He Can Do No Wrong

A piece published in the Times yesterday explained that mother-in-laws are no longer the villains of family dynamics. Comparing their daughter’s husbands to their own spouses, women are shocked and surprised to find that the younger generation of men are willing to pull their own weight around the house.

She cannot believe that the daughter or daughter-in-law can be so ungrateful to live with an Adam who might have sprung from Gloria Steinem’s spare rib. Daughter regards her mother’s rapturous cheerleading as unhelpful when delicate negotiations are under way for him to pull his weight on a more equitable basis.

The article was inspired by comments by feminist author Fay Weldon last week, who said that while women should be equal at work, at home they are expected to get the coffee. The dynamic of an older generation of women being inordinately delighted with a man willing to pick up his own socks and get his own coffee is not something I have any experience with.

My father was not raised to do housework, but understood the fundamental fairness of being responsible for his own messes. Sunday was the day that Mom and Dad did all the chores that needed to get done, although they were generally under her direction. And while Mom did do the lion’s share of the cooking, Dad always cleaned up, even when he’d made the meal.

I’m interested to see how the dynamic plays out in my generation. My fiance and I live half a world away from our parents, so they do not have a lot of direct involvement in our daily lives. Squabbles about our slovenly house are settled without an audience, but I wonder if the dynamic would change with motherly input. While I want my partner to do half the work, I secretly feel that the house is my responsibility. Will our mothers feel the same?