Wait For The Enthusiastic Yes

As the school year kicks off campuses will gather the newbies around and give them the basics of dorm living. The boys will be warned not to drink so much they hurt themselves and the girls will be warned not to drink so much boys will hurt them.

Rape prevention shouldn’t only be aimed at the victims of rape, it should also be aimed at the potential perpetrator, according to Jaclyn Friedman’s article on the Combating the Campus Rape Crisis.

Women are constantly warned to be on guard, but these tactics don’t seem to be working. A analysis of rape trends indicates that it is likely increasing.

Why hasn’t it worked? Perhaps it’s because making rape prevention the responsibility of young women teaches students that guys can’t be expected to be responsible for their own actions. Not surprisingly, that results in student bodies eager to let rapists off the hook and campus policies… that treat rape as an unfortunate disagreement instead of like the violent crime it is.

Women are expected to operate under the highest standards of behaviour to prevent rapes – they should avoid drinking, provocative clothing, flirting, being with men, being alone, going to bed too late and running too early in the morning. When the incident occurs it is inevitably their fault for letting their side down. The only realistic solution is locking themselves up and giving the key to their evil step-mother.

Men at college feel attacked because every woman is supposed to treat them as a potential rapist. So much focus is given to date rape, to the grey areas of interpersonal confusion and morning regret, that people forget that rape can be easily defined. Men are told to ignore their guts and that they aren’t qualified to tell yes from no, right from wrong.

Friedman says that most campus rapes are not committed by “well-meaning boys confused about consent but by repeat-offender sociopaths who know exactly what they’re doing”. These are crimes, not social misunderstandings, and with one in ten female college students becoming victims of rape, it also looks like a public health crisis.

But how can it be addressed?

What would it look like if colleges did just that? For starters, they would provide in-depth programs on healthy sexuality and sexual safety, instead of getting by with a pamphlet and an hour demonstration at orientation. Schools would stop telling girls to mind their liquor so they don’t “get themselves” raped and start teaching young men that alcohol is never an excuse to “get away” with anything. They would offer bystander training, so that all students on campus know what it looks like when someone’s sexual boundaries are being violated and what to do if they see that happening. They would teach students that the only real consent is the kind that’s freely and enthusiastically given, removing the “she didn’t exactly say no” excuse that too many rapists hide behind. And their campus policies would support prevention, recovery, and justice, not dismissiveness, victim-blaming, and denial.

My favourite part of her plan: before having sex wait for an enthusiastic YES!