Open Relationships And Cheating

Dear Madame X,

I am in a happy open relationship. I have a friend who has a girlfriend and things seem to be going well with them. He has said many times that he doesn’t “get” my relationship, and how it’s “unnatural”. The problem is that he wants to cheat on his girlfriend with me. I am attracted to him but could never condone cheating. What I don’t get is why he wants to cheat but calls open relationships unnatural. Is there a way I can explain the error of his ways to him?

The More the Merrier

Dear The More the Merrier,

That’s great that you are happy in your relationship. Unfortunately, when it comes to sex and relationships people can be very closed minded and that includes many people who do not agree with anything other than monogamy.

The best you can do is stick to your principles on this one. Explain to your friend that you do not condone cheating (either doing it yourself or helping someone else to do it). You can tell your friend that it is okay for you to have sex with other people because your partners all know about it and are okay with it, but that you will not have sex with him until he either breaks up with his girlfriend or gets her permission.

You will not likely be able to change his mind about his attitude to open relationships or cheating. Let him know that he can give you a call when he is single again. So long as you stick to your principles you will at least know that you have done the right thing (according to your principles), even if he has not.

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