Anal Sex With Straight Men

Dear Madame X,

I’ve heard that men like a finger up their ass during sex, but that most are too homophobic to ask for it. How can I sneak it in without my boyfriend noticing?

Keeping a Finger in It

Dear Keeping a Finger in It,

You are right that a lot of men (both straight and gay!) enjoy anal play when it comes to sex.

I am assuming from this letter that you are female, but, if not, remember that all the information can apply to both straight and gay couples as we all have asses that are deserving of hot sex.

The anus is actually a very erotic zone in the body which a lot of people can discover once they get over the yuck (or homophobic) factor. Also, the prostate has even been called the “male G-Spot”  because it can feel so good to manipulate and this organ is only accessible through the anus. This is an organ that only men possess.

You ask how you can get your boyfriend to indulge in this aspect of sex without him noticing. I’m sorry to say that there is no way for him not to notice your finger in his ass.

If you are interested in playing with his ass it is something you will have to talk about with him. Find out if he is interested in doing this. You can talk about how you can just start small and see how he likes it. For example, just massaging the outer part then progressing to a finger inside then to more advanced anal play if he does like it.

If he doesn’t want to do this then there’s not really anything you can do about it. He might be missing out on some really hot sex, but that is his choice and should be done with his consent. Perhaps he would be willing to try it to please you, but that is something to talk about with him.

If he is interested, there are lots of toys and videos I recommend.

For example, there is a series of movies called “Bend Over Boyfriend”. This series is sex education for heterosexual couples to teach them how the woman can penetrate the man’s ass.

There are also some sex toys that are designed specifically to massage the prostate.  For example, the brands Aneros or Rude Boy. These and many others can be found in sex shops or online stores.

There are also a lot of books about anal play which can also be searched for online or in sex shops.

If your man is interested perhaps you can explore some of these options together. Look at a few books together or explore your local sex shops.

One important thing to remember is to protect yourself from sexually transmitted infections (STIs). The ass is more susceptible to minor tears and abrasions (even so small you don’t notice them), which makes it easier to transmit STIs between each other. The easiest way to protect yourself is to make sure you put new condoms over sex toys whenever you switch them from his body to yours and use lots of lubrication. If you are using your hands you can either wear gloves or clean thoroughly after putting your hand in his ass and before touching anything else like a vagina, penis, or mouth. Even normal anal bacteria (i.e. not from STIs) can lead to irritation or infection in other parts of the body.

Whatever he decides he wants to do, there is no right or wrong answer; everybody has different desires when it comes to sex and it is important to respect that.

I hope you two have fun exploring the options. And while you are investigating anal play, don’t forget that your own ass can bring you pleasure as well. Have fun.

This article will appear every Wednesday to spice up your week.

Please email me with any and all questions about sex and relationships and I will answer them in this column.