College Man And High School Girl

Dear Madame X,

Am I a perv? I met this hot 17 year old and she wants me. We really hit it off and but she’s in high school and I’m in college (I’m 20). She is over the age of consent, so I can bang away without consequences but I want to be a nice guy here. Should I ignore her texts, or what?

Rock the Cradle of Love

Dear Rock the Cradle of Love,

There are plenty of 20-year-olds dating 17-year-olds out there, it is not at all unusual. However, the fact that you are writing to me shows that you might be uncomfortable with the situation.

First of all, it’s good that you know she is over the legal age of consent. Every country has laws around how old a person must be to have sex and it is good to be informed about this so you don’t end up in trouble. See website here with list of ages of consent in different countries.

However, you can not “bang away without consequences”. There are ALWAYS consequences!

Getting involved in a relationship, be it casual or more serious, has emotional and physical consequences for all parties. You might just see her as another shag, as the language in your email implies, but it is important to know there will be two people involved and what she wants is just as important as what you want.

You need to keep in mind that 3 years is a big age difference when you are so young. She is still in high school, but you have been out in the real world for a few years now, probably working and at college. And the fact that you think of yourself as “a perv” tells me that maybe you should stay away from her.

Her emotional maturity and expectations of relationships may be quite different from yours. Her dating experiences will also be quite different from yours. She may be a virgin. She may be looking for a serious boyfriend and love. She may want to keep it casual and more friendly (has she actually said she wants to date you?). She may not want to have sex at all. And of course, she may have been having sex since the age of 14.

If you do get involved with sex make sure you wear condoms to protect both of you from sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies.

The only way to know what to do, seeing as you asked me, is to first decide what you want, and then talk to her and find out what she wants.

Be up front with her; honesty is best in these situations. If you two can’t agree then move on to the next girl before any feelings are hurt.

However, if you are lucky, she will be happy to bang you as much as you like.

This article will appear every Wednesday to spice up your week.

Please email me with any and all questions about sex and relationships and I will answer them in this column.