Threesomes

Dear Madame X,

For our fifth wedding anniversary I would like to invite a woman to share the bed with my husband and I. It has been his fantasy for years and I am finally comfortable enough to fulfill it. What is the best way to go about this? I am anxious to avoid the many pitfalls that this presents. There is a mutual acquaintance we would both consent to, but there is a good argument to be made for making arrangements with a stranger. How can we avoid any jealousy or ill-feeling?

Threes Allowed

Dear Threes Allowed,

The first thing you need to do is make sure this is actually something that you both want to happen and not just a fantasy. Often things that might seem good in our minds are not things we actually want to do in real life. Also, if you are only doing this to please your husband it will probably end in disaster, make sure you also want to do it for yourself.

Once this has been established, you need to figure out if this should be someone you know or a stranger. You are right, there are good and bad aspects of each. I would actually recommend a stranger at this point. If this is the first time you have done this and you are both a bit unsure of your feelings around it then if you brought a friend into your bed you could risk losing that friendship and some embarrassment. With a stranger you wouldn’t need to worry about that as you will never see them again (unless you all hit it off and make it a regular date of course!). If you two decide to make this a regular occurence you could maybe make some swinger friends for future liaisons.

You can easily find people over the internet. There are lots of websites where women are looking to join threesomes or couples advertise for a third-party. It’s probably best to arrange to meet your potential date for a drink a few days earlier so the three of you can get to know each other a bit and discuss the parameters of the situation. If the interview goes well you can then arrange the play date. As well, there are lots of swinging sex clubs. If that is more your style you could go to one of them and have a look around before you decide how you want to do this.

In terms of jealousy, that will be a difficult thing to control. But jealousy can be used in these situations to fuel your desire for your husband, and so long as it is something you want to do for yourself and your own curiosity, rather than just to please him, the jealousy should not overwhelm you.

Please practice safer sex!!! You won’t know this person’s sexual history at all. Even if you choose an acquaintance or ask her directly (very good idea to ask if she has any STIs!) so many sexually transmitted infections have no symptoms that she might not even know what she has. This means if your husband has sex with one of you, he MUST put a new condom on before he enters the second woman. You don’t want him to get any STIs and you don’t want to get any of her STIs yourself. Also, it might be a good idea to use protection for any oral sex you give her. This would be dental dams or an un-lubricated condom cut into a square.

Finally, have fun and I hope it goes well. Wish you husband Happy Birthday from me!

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