Abortion Grief Is Ruining The Relationship

January 27, 2010 No Comments


Dear Madame X,

When my boyfriend and I were broken up a few months ago I found I was pregnant and had an abortion. It was terrible and I cried and cried. We are back together but I am so angry at him. He didn’t know but I am so angry for putting me in the position and making me go through it. I keep yelling at him and I don’t know how to stop. If I tell him he’ll probably leave me. What can I do? I know he is my soulmate, but I just can’t get past this.

Can’t Let Go

Dear Can’t Let Go,

Sweetie, get yourself to a counsellor, pronto!

You seem to be in a horrible cycle of depression and passive-aggression, not to mention grief over the abortion, and yelling at your boyfriend will only make it worse.

He did not put you in the to position to make you go through an abortion. It takes two to tango and if you weren’t using proper birth control then is your responsibility as well as his. But it was your choice to have the abortion.

Yes, it feels shitty, I acknowledge that it has been hard for you, but the best way for your to get past this is to stop blaming and accept responsibility and deal with this in a productive way.

I also think you should probably tell your boyfriend about the abortion. If you have been angry and yelling at him he probably wants to know why. It’s probably clear to him that something is wrong but until you tell him and get it out in the open it will fester like a cancer and kill your relationship.

Yes, there’s the possibility he will be upset about the abortion and angry, and possibly even leave you. But that is too big a secret to keep from him for the rest of your lives if he is, indeed, your soul mate.

Counsellors can help you with that, too. You can do role play with them to practice how you might tell him and they can offer support. You could also take him with you to the counsellor and let him know when you are there so that there is a third-party to mediate any arguments and discussions.

Please, for the sake of your own sanity, get some help. You will feel much better for it and your relationship will have a better chance of survival. You need to start taking care of yourself.

And please start using proper birth control so you don’t ever have to go through this again.

This column will appear every Wednesday to spice up your week.

Please email me with any and all questions about sex and relationships and I will answer them in this column.

Tags: , , , , , , , Madame X

Leave a Reply

(required)

(required)


Lazy Sunday RIP Whitney Post

RIP Whitney Houston (August 9, 1963 – February 11, 2012)

All About Slimy Car Salesmen

We need a new car. Our current one is pretty old (though it works ok) but for boring administrative...

Quickie Sex Tip

Want a cheap, fun date? Stay home with a cheesy romance movie, popcorn, and a bottle of wine. You...

When Getting The Bill Doesn’t Add Up

On dates I still love a little bit of chivalry — but it goes too far when the restaurant...

Oh Harry! Getting A Piece Of The Royal Pie

There has been an upswing in royal fever on both sides of the Atlantic since last April. When Kate...

Tired Of Faking It

Dear Madame X, I know you say that it’s not good to fake your orgasms, but what if you...

Getting Committed

It is one of the oldest institutions in the world. Most humans are actively engaged in it as I...

Quote Of The Week

Nothing could be worse than the fear that one had given up too soon, and left one unexpended effort...

Mooncup Menstrual Cup