Abortion Grief Is Ruining The Relationship

Dear Madame X,

When my boyfriend and I were broken up a few months ago I found I was pregnant and had an abortion. It was terrible and I cried and cried. We are back together but I am so angry at him. He didn’t know but I am so angry for putting me in the position and making me go through it. I keep yelling at him and I don’t know how to stop. If I tell him he’ll probably leave me. What can I do? I know he is my soulmate, but I just can’t get past this.

Can’t Let Go

Dear Can’t Let Go,

Sweetie, get yourself to a counsellor, pronto!

You seem to be in a horrible cycle of depression and passive-aggression, not to mention grief over the abortion, and yelling at your boyfriend will only make it worse.

He did not put you in the to position to make you go through an abortion. It takes two to tango and if you weren’t using proper birth control then is your responsibility as well as his. But it was your choice to have the abortion.

Yes, it feels shitty, I acknowledge that it has been hard for you, but the best way for your to get past this is to stop blaming and accept responsibility and deal with this in a productive way.

I also think you should probably tell your boyfriend about the abortion. If you have been angry and yelling at him he probably wants to know why. It’s probably clear to him that something is wrong but until you tell him and get it out in the open it will fester like a cancer and kill your relationship.

Yes, there’s the possibility he will be upset about the abortion and angry, and possibly even leave you. But that is too big a secret to keep from him for the rest of your lives if he is, indeed, your soul mate.

Counsellors can help you with that, too. You can do role play with them to practice how you might tell him and they can offer support. You could also take him with you to the counsellor and let him know when you are there so that there is a third-party to mediate any arguments and discussions.

Please, for the sake of your own sanity, get some help. You will feel much better for it and your relationship will have a better chance of survival. You need to start taking care of yourself.

And please start using proper birth control so you don’t ever have to go through this again.

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