You’ll Never Be A Mom, Study Warns

You’re a bad mother.

No kids?

That’s why.

A new study has come out informing working women that having a baby over the age of 30 is practically a miraculous event, and that having kids over 40 is actually evidence of the Rapture.

Well, close to it.

A study published by the University of St. Andrews and Edinburgh University in Scotland found that women over the age of 30 have already lost 90% of their eggs.

Have you managed to eek out your life to 40? You only have 3% of your babies eggs.

Good Morning America helpfully reported: “By the time a woman hits 30, nearly all of her ovarian eggs are gone for good, according a new study that says women who put off childbearing for too long could have difficulty ever conceiving.”

Way to stick to the facts and avoid fear-mongering. Never mind the fact at least half of the people my age* were the products of moms over the age of 30. Never mind the fact that 30 year olds have an amazing ability to get pregnant, without divine intervention.

We know that all women are simply decaying baby factories. Before I was able to have children I knew that women came with an expiration date. But maybe babies aren’t the be all and end all of everyone’s existence.

As The Awl put so eloquently:

Chin up, sweetie, it’s okay. I’m sure that career you’ve been busy building will more than compensate for the overwhelming feeling of emptiness and lack of meaning that failing to achieve the most important goal of womanhood usually results in. Maybe you should just shift your focus to trying to get married. I mean, sometimes that does still happen to a woman over 30, right? But you should probably buy lots of cosmetics for that extra edge, just in case.

*not telling, you’ll have to count my eggs to find out