Fortune Cat: Your Life Next Week

I know your future, at least as far as next week. Ok, so I may not have any training but I am a cat and everyone knows we can see things that others can’t (and chase things that are not there). Take a deep breath and be prepared to meet your fate. It may be scary, it might be terrifying, but at least you’ll know what’s coming.

Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

Your computer will be infected with a virus that turns all the reds in your computer to dark orange. You won’t notice but you should really check your firewalls.

Pisces

February 19 – March 19

An ad for life insurance that you watch late one night will stay with you and haunt your dreams.

Aries

March 20 – April 18

There is a hamster in your house that is spying on you. Be very careful what you say around his cage because it will be used against you.

Taurus

April 19 – May 19

Voodoo is your friend this week. Pick up a doll and learn all you can about the dark arts. I can’t tell you why, but trust me, you’ll need it.

Gemini

May 20- June 19

A tall dark stranger will sit next to you on the bus and hum, making you very uncomfortable.

Cancer

June 20 – July 21

The milk in your fridge is about to expire.

Leo

July 22 – August 21

Your mother’s back will break when you stop avoiding the cracks in the sidewalk.

Virgo

August 22 – September 21

A good time for a career move. A new venture seems promising at first but your cats won’t be happy if you have to move.

Libra

September 22 – October 22

A bottle of mescal that seems like a good idea at first turns out to be a very, very good idea.

Scorpio

October 23 – November 20

Take time to stretch out in that patch of sunlight, warming your belly.

Sagittarius

November 21 – December 20

Follow your intuition, it will lead you to your fate (but there is no guarantee that it won’t be a terrible one).

Capricorn

December 21 – January 19

Eat your vegetables. Doctors recommend that you feed your meat to your cat.