Jealous Of A Game?

Dear Madame X,

My boyfriend has been playing this computer game where he has a relationship with one of the characters. It is not a side line to the game but the whole point of the game. He buys her flowers, takes her to movies and showers her with affection in the game. He is spending more and more time playing the game and I am getting jealous. Every time I tell him how I feel he fobs me off, telling me it’s just a game. I heard that some guy married his girlfriend from this game and now I’m getting worried.

Virtually Imperfect

Dear Virtually Imperfect,

It’s true, there was a man in Japan who married his virtual girlfriend. Not someone who was also playing at a computer, but a character who only existed in the virtual world.

Now whether this was all a big joke or he had a mental problem is a different story.

But the point is whether you should be bothered by your boyfriend playing online with his virtual girlfriend.

The answer is a resounding YES, you should be bothered.

Whether he is playing World of Warcraft, Mario Brothers, Pac Man, or Wii sports, the point is that he is spending more time and energy on playing games than maintaining his relationship with you.

The added insult here is that he probably buys flowers, goes to movies, and showers his affections more on the virtual character than he does on you.

I think you need to sit him down for a serious conversation and explain that it’s not the game itself that’s the problem, but the fact that he spends more time online that with you. Relationships don’t happen by magic, they need time and effort.

But time and effort don’t have to be bad things; go on dates, talk, do things you love, cuddle and hold hands. All are important to maintaining a relationship.

You need to set up boundaries. How much time do you want to see him a week/day? How much time does he want to play online?

Alone time is important, more for some than others, but if you two can compromise on your boundaries and get enough time together that you feel like you are a couple and the relationship is in good health then he can continue playing online with no problem (although, I do find the idea of an online girlfriend creepy and perhaps that’s something you can bring up in the future, for now, focus on setting the boundaries – you don’t want to overwhelm him just yet).

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