Fortune Cat: Your Life This Week

February 27, 2010 No Comments

I know your future, at least as far as next week. As a cat I can see things that others can’t (and chase things that are not there). Take a deep breath and be prepared to meet your fate. It may be scary, it might be terrifying, but at least you’ll know what’s coming.


Pisces

February 19 – March 19

You will prick your finger on a spinning wheel, forcing you to examine your obsession with princesses.

Aries

March 20 – April 18

A wiggly tooth foretells scurvy.

Taurus

April 19 – May 19

Your vet bill will be identical to the amount you should not have spent on shoes last week.

Gemini

May 20- June 19

The end of a major, international sporting event will bring peace to your home.

Cancer

June 20 – July 21

Things will get better very soon (they couldn’t really get worse now, could they?).

Leo

July 22 – August 21

You will be bored.

Virgo

August 22 – September 21

A cooking disaster will lead to an unexpected culinary masterpiece. However you will have no idea how it came about because you were drunk at the time.

Libra

September 22 – October 22

A woman will dance into your life stealing your heart, but aiming for your wallet.

Scorpio

October 23 – November 20

A long journey will lead you to the pot at the end of the rainbow.

Sagittarius

November 21 – December 20

Your roommate will walk in on you  sitting in the dark, with the blinds drawn, watching The Bachelor finale.

Capricorn

December 21 – January 19

Photos of a friend’s wedding make you grateful you are a lesbian.

Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

You will discover the meaning of life and be very disappointed.

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