Fortune Cat: Your Life This Week

I know your future, at least as far as next week. Ok, so I may not have any training but I am a cat and everyone knows we can see things that others can’t (and chase things that are not there). Take a deep breath and be prepared to meet your fate. It may be scary, it might be terrifying, but at least you’ll know what’s coming.

Pisces

February 19 – March 19

You will impress your boss with a creative use for palindromes.

Aries

March 20 – April 18

There is nothing you can do to avoid a painful paper-cut.

Taurus

April 19 – May 19

Success in your field will lead to hubris, which will inevitably cause your death and the downfall of your kingdom.

Gemini

May 20- June 19

Call your mom.

Cancer

June 20 – July 21

The fluorescent light at work will slowly drive you insane.

Leo

July 22 – August 21

You revert to Islam.

Virgo

August 22 – September 21

The Mexican food near your house is not as good as it used to be.

Libra

September 22 – October 22

When the plans that you made over a year ago come to fruition, and all the work completed, you will be filled with a sense of emptiness.

Scorpio

October 23 – November 20

The internet is not as anonymous as you think (they are watching you).

Sagittarius

November 21 – December 20

The iphone v. blackberry decision you have been obsessing over for months will end when you lose your hearing.

Capricorn

December 21 – January 19

Laugh more.

Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

You can’t get it all done, so don’t even try.