Is Nigger Too Dirty A Word For The Bedroom?

Dear Madame X,

Nigger: It is the word I am writing my doctoral thesis about. It is a disgusting, horrible part of America’s linguistic heritage. However it is creeping into my sexual fantasies. As a black woman I would never tolerate this word being said to my face, so why does it turn me on to hear it in my head?

My fantasies are not PC

Dear My fantasies are not PC,

Why do some women like being called whores and sluts? Dirty little girls? Naughty bitches?

It seems that some people find that being called something that is normally offensive/sexist/racist in everyday life somehow becomes a turn on when used in the bedroom. Sometimes the dirtier the language, the sexier it is.

I don’t quite understand it myself, but I think most of us are guilty of it to some degree. It makes the sex seem rough, rugged, naughty, a bigger turn on, more dangerous… you get the idea.

Maybe it’s some kind of primeval urge calling to us, who knows. The point is that people like it and get a thrill from it.

I’d say first, examine whether or not you are feeling like you deserve to be called a derogatory name. Do you have any bad feelings about yourself or your race?

If the answer is no, then try not to worry about it. Just make sure the mood is right and your partner knows you like this and uses it appropriately (you don’t want them to feel racist or offensive by using it at the wrong time or too often, and they may not be comfortable doing it).

But if it turns you on and you are not hurting or insulting anyone else in the process just enjoy yourself; there’s no need to feel guilty about it.

This column will appear every Wednesday to spice up your week.

Please email me with any and all questions about sex and relationships and I will answer them in this column.