Married Sex Is Seriously Sexy

Christina Hendricks and I are practically the same person. Sure her breasts might be larger and her hair might be redder, but we agree about sex in marriage.

(Although I do not like watermelon).

I’m not talking about saving your special flower until your union is sanctified by God, I’m taking about the common misconception that a ring on your finger saps your sexual mojo.

In Christina Hendrick’s A Letter to Men she said:

Marriage changes very little. The only things that will get a married man laid that won’t get a single man laid are adultery and whores. Intelligence and humor (and your smell) are what get you laid. That’s what got you laid when you were single. That’s what gets you laid when you’re married. Everything still works in marriage: especially intelligence and humor. Because the sexiest thing is to know you.

(She’s definitely gunning for sexiest woman of the year).

Marriage has developed a reputation akin to a nunnery — all asceticism and sacrifices for the greater good. It’s a way to raise children and pool retirement funds, nothing more.

In the past it was the main sexual event, much like the centre ring at a circus. On one side there was life before marriage with it’s quick fumblings in the hay and to the other there was windowhood.

The matrimonial bed was the place where it all happened. The days spent exploring one another, the nights learning what it feels like when that goes there. After a decade you are not only sleeping with your partner in life, who you hopefully love, but with the largest compilation of reference material pertaining to exactly what you like and how you like it.

Not only it is sex on tap, but it’s sex with an expert in how to get you off.

But married people are boring outside of the bedroom, so single people dominate our movies, books and songs. Their passion and heart-break is so idealised that if we are not miserable that we rap ourselves in barbed wire and howl at the moon we feel there is something wrong with us. It’s not just us normal people, celebrities also feel the need to justify married life:

This is why the Beckhams are letting it be known that Victoria demands her five a day, and we’re not talking superfoods. It’s why Sandra Bullock mentioned her love of food and sex in her Critics’ Choice acceptance speech, and at the Screen Actors’ Guild awards she referred to her “really hot” husband, adding: “I want you so much.” (Note: “Thank you for your love and support” is no longer sufficient. “You are great in the sack” is more the order of the day.)

The best sex you’ve ever had will probably be with your spouse (not every night, mind you). But when singletons are chatting up a stranger, hoping for a hook-up, we can lean over and kiss our lovers. While they fumble with strange body parts and inept fingers, we just use the night as an opportunity to set the bar even higher. We don’t need to search on our hands and knees at 4am for a lost pair of panties because frankly, they can wait until morning.

The fact is we didn’t want to tell you, because we knew you’d be jealous, but married sex is better.