The Other Man: If You Want To Make It In Politics, You Need To Carry A Big Stick (It Looks Like A Penis, You See)

Has anyone noticed that most of the really successful women leaders are conservatives?

If you look at the short history of women in politics, you find a lot of broken dreams, a few assassin’s bullets and even fewer healthy governments.

And the most successful of all has to be Margaret Thatcher.

Now, I know many people reading this will have strong feelings for the Iron Lady, rational or otherwise. But her legacy as an 11-year Prime Minister puts her on par with all the male Prime Ministers to come before and after; in fact, recent polls show her to be more respected even than Churchill.

There’s also no doubt that Thatcher leaned to the right: she was Reagan in a skirt. Which brings me back to my point — maybe she had to be. Let’s look at the other groundbreaking women leaders and see:

Angela Merkel — Chancellor of Germany — Elected on a center-right ticket as a challenger to former chancellor Gerhard Schroder, who was far to the left. Credited (and criticized) for bringing hard-line economic policies to the table, giving her the familiar nickname Ironfrau.

Golda Meir — Prime Minister of Israel 1969-74 — Technically one of the more left-wing leaders in Israel’s history, but that’s quite relative; she was the one who ordered Operation Wrath of God, the retaliation for the Munich Olympics massacre, and she was the one in charge during the Yom Kippur War. Israeli resettlement into historically Arab territory continued non-stop during her tenure, and she even tried to prevent sick and disabled Jews from returning to avoid the strain on Israel’s resources. Not 100% sure what separates her from Bibi. Also nicknamed “Iron Lady.”

Indira Gandhi — Prime Minister of India 1966-77, 80-84 — The longest serving female prime minister in history, if you ignore the caveats. Ostensibly a socialist when first elected, things soured after she started the war against Pakistan in 1971. The press was censored and a rash of political opponents were jailed. She’s widely regarded as rigging the 1971 election to some degree, then declared martial law when the courts ruled against her on corruption charges. She’s also one of the few world leaders to draw the ire of both the US and the Soviet Union. Assassinated.

Corazon Aquino — President of the Philippines 1986-92 — Pushed into power as a spiritual nominee after the death of her husband Ninoy. Spent much of her presidency fixing the grave problems caused by the Marcos years. Center-right. Survived nine coup attempts.

It’s a short list, isn’t it? I mean, you could include the wives of martial leaders, like Imelda Marcos or Eva Peron, who often became public figures as large as their husbands.

The boulevard of broken dreams is much longer.

Benazir Bhutto — Prime Minister of Pakistan 1988-90, 93-96 — Both of her short-lived governments were dismissed on corruption charges, for which there was much evidence but no convictions. Also pro-life and (until 9-11) pro-Taliban. Assassinated.

Kim Campbell – Prime Minister of Canada 1993 — Led a moribund (conservative!) government for 132 days after Brian Mulroney skipped town.

Edith Cresson — Prime Minister of France 1991-92 — A seriously unpopular leader who stepped down after less than a year. Was also seriously loony; blamed neighboring “Anglo-Saxon” countries for many of France’s social problems and described the Japanese as “yellow ants trying to take over the world.” Was the main target of a fraud investigation against the European Commission in the late 90s.

Maria de Lourdes Pintasilgo — Prime Minister of Portugal 1979 — Only held the office for three months.

Jiang Qing — Chinese leader 1976 — The wife of Chairman Mao, she tried and failed to hold onto power after his death, and was arrested less than a month later.

Han Myung-Sook — Prime Minister of South Korea 2006-07 — A largely uneventful 10 months. Resigned to run for the presidency, and lost.

Portia Simpson-Miller – Prime Minister of Jamaica 2006-07 – Lasted just over a year, until her party narrowly lost the next election.

Jenny Shipley – Prime Minister of New Zealand 1997-99 — A reasonably successful conservative PM who nevertheless lost the next election.

Of course, the US hasn’t had a female president, but Nancy Pelosi has already spent more time in office as Speaker of the House than most of these women (at three years and four months). Her job puts her second in the line of presidential succession, just after Joe Biden. On the other hand, that has never happened in history (but did on The West Wing, so never say never).

Given the three candidates in the UK elections, two nearly identical brothers and their half-alien father, I wonder when a woman will ever have another chance at the big chair.

Harriet Harman, the 28-year veteran who is second-in-command to Brown but was deliberately denied the usual title of Deputy Prime Minister when she was appointed, would be the obvious front-runner, but that seems at best unlikely.

On the other hand, you in the UK have something to look up to: No Sarah Palin in 2012!