How To Save A Marriage By Refusing To Take “No” For An Answer

He said: “I don’t love you any more. I’m not sure I ever did. I’m moving out. The kids will understand. They’ll want me to be happy.”

She replied: “I don’t buy it.”

And this is how Laura Munson saved her marriage.

She swears its a happy one, but I don’t know if I buy it.

A Season of Unlikely Happiness was the book she wrote about this experience. She said that she would be happy to give him space, that he could take as much as he needed, but that they would not break up.

She said, “Go trekking in Nepal. Build a yurt in the back meadow. Turn the garage studio into a man-cave. Get that drum set you’ve always wanted. Anything but hurting the children and me with a reckless move like the one you’re talking about.”

Then she said again, “How can we have a responsible distance?”

He said, “I don’t want distance. I want to move out.”

Eventually she wore him down and he agreed to stay, with a much longer leash than before. She has compared this process to dealing with a child having a temper tantrum, saying that you don’t engage them on their level but try to sort out what they need.

So he came home late, or not at all. He ignored her birthday and ditched her fourth of July party. He spent a lot of time at his friend’s cabin and when he did come back he wouldn’t make eye-contact. Sounds like hell to me. But she got through it.

She would go off into the mountains and cry and yell at trees but was cool and calm in front of her husband and the kids. He had six months to get over it.

But then his sister was diagnosed with cancer and her husband ran off. As he helped his sister he re-evaluated his marriage and apologised for his actions.

She won.

But at what cost?

I can’t help thinking of the end of High Fidelity where his girlfriend takes him back after her father died. She says that if her father were still alive she would never take him back, but she just needed somewhere safe and calm.

They ended up happily ever after, I think.

My first reaction to this story was disgust. He is a grown man and he made a decision and who was she not to respect it? She was bullying him back into the marriage.

But then again humans are flawed and perhaps she saved him from himself. She probably knows him better than anybody else on the planet. Maybe she knew what she was doing? After all, he could have just packed his bags and moved out.

People like to say that in the olden days, when divorce wasn’t an option, couples were forced to work out their issues. But that bygone era also has stories of people drawing lines down the middle of their houses and refusing to speak for 30 years. Maybe this is a good test case.

My verdict is out until I read his book. What about you?