Anorexic Sex

Dear Madame X,

I have been in recovery from anorexia for about three years and my health is almost back to normal. I am still very uncomfortable showing my body to people, even my mother. I have had sex before after a few drinks but I turn the lights off and just move my underwear to the side. The boys are usually pretty weirded out by this but otherwise I get panicked. I usually never see them again. Is there anything I can do about this?

Dancing in the Dark

Dear Dancing in the Dark,

It sounds to me like there is a very easy solution to this problem; stop having sex!!

You’re clearly not enjoying it, feel panicked, don’t enjoy your body, and have to be drunk in order to face doing it. This can not possibly be a happy situation for you.

I can see why you might want to have sex; there is so much hype about it and everyone thinks that everyone else is doing it better and more often, but this is just not true.

Choosing to be abstinent while you sort out your body issues is probably the best thing you can do for yourself right now.

As you become more confident in your body you will probably have an easier time meeting men. And you might also want to wait until you know them a bit better before having sex because the potential emotional intimacy will help you overcome your physical intimacy problems.

Your body is yours alone and only you can choose what you do with it. Maybe if you are feeling horny you could masturbate instead.

On a similar vein, why are you showing your body to your mother? I suppose if she was your carer while you were sick that would make sense, but now that you are “almost back to normal” I don’t see any reason why she should see you naked, especially if it makes you uncomfortable.

It’s great to hear that you are doing well and recovering, but as you still clearly have some body issues make sure you talk to your GP or counsellor about this. They are the best people to help you and in time you will be good as new.

Just be patient with yourself, and once you learn to love your body you can learn to enjoy sex.

Check out these sites for more information on anorexia.

This column will appear every Wednesday to spice up your week.

Please email me with any and all questions about sex and relationships and I will answer them in this column.