Medication Makes Me Not Want Sex, Help!

Dear Madame X,

Medical issues have left me constantly fatigued. I’ve spoken to the doctors and there isn’t much I can do about it until I go off the medication which I cannot do. I’m still interested in sex but not as much as I used to be and once we get started I just have no energy or enthusiasm. I’m a bit tired of being the good girlfriend, slapping on some lube and laying there but I don’t want to give up on a sex life altogether — is there anything I can do?

Too Tired to Tango

Dear Too Tired to Tango,

I’m sorry you’re having such trouble with your medication and your sex life.

There are really two important things to address here.

First, your body is yours alone, and nobody can make you have sex if you don’t want to.

Second, you say you are somebody’s girlfriend, so it’s important to remember that the sex life you have together needs to be negotiated between the two of you (it’s a bit contradictory, I know).

Have you talked with your boyfriend about what he thinks of this situation? What solutions have you come up with?

There are lots of sexual things couples can do together that don’t have to involve intercourse.

You say you are still interested in sex, just not as much as before. Do you still enjoy kissing? Or masturbation? Does it make you happy when your boyfriend is turned on and excited? A possibility is that you could sometimes give your boyfriend pleasure (blow job, hand job) when he is feeling horny but you are not.

Maybe doing some of these other things which do not involve intercourse would be a good idea – they are still fun (as you say you still have some interest) but involve less effort.

Discuss with him how often you want to have sex. He is just going to have to respect you and perhaps masturbate a bit more often than he used to until you are feeling back to your old self.

In all relationships there is one person with a higher sex drive than the other, and this is really no different.  There’s a book by Dr. Rosie King that might be helpful for you. It’s called Good Loving, Great Sex.

Also, you can go the medical route. Some people use testosterone creams to increase their sex drive, but of course, this is something to discuss with your GP as there will be both benefits and side-effects.

There will be frustrations along the way, but together the two of you can probably work out the best way to manage your sex life. And if not, couples counsellors are there to help.

This column will appear every Wednesday to spice up your week.

Please email me with any and all questions about sex and relationships and I will answer them in this column.