Are We More Than Friends? How Do I Know?

Dear Madame X,

I know girls like to be kissed spontaneously and it’s incredibly romantic, but how do you know whether she wants to kiss you before you go in for it? I really like this girl and we are good friends. I would like to kiss her, but I don’t want to make her uncomfortable. Is there a way to tell?

Unkissable?

Dear Unkissable,

Sometimes it can be difficult to tell whether someone likes you as a friend or has romantic feelings for you, and it can be a very fine line.

The obvious and mature way to find out would be to tell her that you have feelings for her.

But, knowing that not everybody is comfortable doing this, or you might be shy, try talking about the two of you as a couple in a joking way and see how she reacts to it. You could mention that she’s just like the kind of girl you would want to date.

Is she horrified? Does she blush? Is she happy? Indifferent?

Her body language will also tell you a lot about how she feels. Does she touch you a lot when she talks to you? Does she lean in to you when you’re sitting together? Does she pay more attention to you than her other friends?

If these signs all point to the possibility that she thinks you are more special than the other men in her life, then there’s a good chance she’s waiting for you to make a move.

You may be shy and reluctant, but if she is too then nothing will ever happen!

If you spend all your time pining for her then you’re not really “just friends” right now. People say they don’t want to “ruin the friendship” but if you’re not willing to push that boundary then I’d say you’re not really that into her in the first place. I definitely think it’s worth the risk for a chance at a brilliant romantic relationship.

You’re just going to have to bite the bullet here. Either tell her how you feel or just go for it and see how she reacts.

Push through that insecurity and give her the most romantic kiss you can. Hopefully she will kiss you back, but if not, at least you will know you tried and can deal with whatever the outcome might be. Good luck!

This column will appear every Wednesday to spice up your week.

Please email me with any and all questions about sex and relationships and I will answer them in this column.