Why Does Dad Have A Boyfriend If He Is Straight?

Dear Madame X,

My dad just introduced me and my sister to his new boyfriend. The thing is he only separated from my mom a year ago and I know he is straight. It makes sense that after a painful divorce he would go a little wild but I am worried about his boyfriend. He is also in his 50s and has just given up his job across the country to come and live with my dad. How do I tell him this is just a passing phase? My dad can be selfish and I don’t want him ruining any more lives.

Straight as an Arrow

Dear Straight as an Arrow,

It sounds like you’re going through a tough time with your parents and I’m sorry you feel like he is ruining your life. Divorce is often hardest on the children, regardless of their age.

But you have to respect the choices that your father has made. If this is just a passing phase,  like you say it is, then he and his boyfriend will deal with that when their relationship comes to an end. They are both adults and they will be able to handle it.

But moving across the country and quitting a job to be with a boyfriend sounds like a pretty serious relationship. So regardless of whether this is his first boyfriend or not, it sounds like your dad is pretty committed.

Sometimes people don’t realize they are gay or bisexual until later in life. Or they have known their whole lives but don’t get a chance to explore it until they are older.

And as much as you don’t like it, it sounds like this is what your dad is exploring right now.

The best thing you can do for your dad and for yourself is to respect his relationship, whether or not you understand it. If you can support him through this phase in his life, whether or not it lasts, you will have a better relationship with him than if you disapprove or try to tell him he is doing the wrong thing. Only he knows what is right for his life and nobody can make those choices for him.

Please remember that this is in no way a betrayal of you or your relationship with him. He is still your dad and still loves you regardless of who he is dating.

It might be helpful for you to look into joining a support group or getting some counselling around these issues. There are groups such as Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) who can help you come to terms with your dad’s sexuality. Let me know if you need help finding a group in your area.

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Madame X is a master of sex. She is adamantly pro-sex which she translates to pro-fun and pro-safety. An avid practitioner of the activity, she has also been trained in the technical dos and don’ts. No mere agony aunt, she knows of what she speaks. Send her your questions, comments, and concerns about sex and relationships here.