What She Said About His Baloney Pony

Meet “Jimmy.” He has a kink in his penis about a third of the way along the shaft which makes it hang belly up. He’s girlfriend of six months, recently described it to a friend of hers as a mini-walrus lolling awkwardly on a crowded beach, sans tusks. Her friend responded with some intimate info about her boyfriend as well. They had a good laugh about dicks in general and moved on to other subjects. For her and her friend, Jimmy’s chicksickle was no big deal.

When she later tried to share the humour of the discussion with Jimmy he was furious.

This information about Jimmy’s not quite common but perfectly normal tallywhacker was so tightly guarded that it had actually caused him to avoid several sexual encounters and some potentially rewarding long term relationships. She should have known that it was a big issue for him. It left him questioning wether he could trust her and wondering if their relationship – which had been brilliant on every level to this point – could continue.

What would I have said to Jimmy if he was a long-time friend of mine who I caught up with just last night at our regular Pub on Lonsdale Street… hypothetically? I’d say, “Get over it, Jimmy.”

Humans are a complicated bunch and even the most well-intentioned may still pass on information about their partner or their relationship due to a moment of absent mindedness, some real concern about their partner, or even their own insecurities. And that’s even more likely to happen in the early stages of a relationship when a couple are still learning a lot about each other and boundaries aren’t clearly set.

That might seem like cold comfort to Jimmy and his winding wang but apart from talking to his partner and letting her know that he feels a tad betrayed, the only thing he can do is accept that she’s made a mistake and see it as a learning curve to further strengthen the relationship.

When I reminded Jimmy that he once told me his girlfriend’s vagina looked like a hamburger he started to get the point. We were at a party and they were only weeks into the relationship. He told her what he’d said minutes later and she laughed her head off which invited more people to the conversation and before we knew it we had all kinds of genital variations being discussed.

If you ask me, pride and ego are massive relationship killers and a lot of the time we just have to take a look at our insecurities and fears, see them for the molehills they are and get over ourselves a little. Try not to get all insular and angry.

I think it’s healthy for men and women to occasionally unload some info with friends – from personal concerns, to emotional issues, to physical details like Jimmy’s twisted todger. It something most of us need to do as individuals and for the long term health of our relationships. It’s important we have the opportunity to do it.