The Beauty Myth Is That Beauty Doesn’t Matter

Psychology Today has come out with an article explaining why women need to take better care of their looks and why we all  need to face up to the fact that outer beauty (just for women, mind you, not men) is important.

The author, a woman, Amy Alkon, says that the current trend of claiming that inner beauty is more important than outer has led us to the world of “Uglytopia” where “the world [is] reimagined as a place where it’s the content of a woman’s character”, not her looks, that put her on the cover of a magazine.

Alkon starts by disparaging ugly people by claiming that “no man will turn his head to ogle a woman because she looks like the type to buy a turkey sandwich for a homeless man or read to the blind.”

What a great start. Does this mean that people who help others are all ugly? Are attractive people all selfish bastards? I hardly think so.

Alkon then insults fat people by saying that in cultures where thin is not so popular and women are allowed to be bigger, that “women appeal to men by stuffing themselves until they’re slim like Jabba the Hut.”

Next, she declares that “men’s looks matter to heterosexual women only somewhat.” Yes, it’s true that women find looks less important, but “less” is entirely different from “not at all”.

It’s impossible to have a long lasting relationship (unless you are happy not having sex for the rest of your life) with someone if you are not physically attracted to them — both for men and women. And ”high status, power, and access to resources” are not as important as she makes out. Really, status and power don’t matter to most people, and the most important thing is that your man has a job and can pay his half of the expenses and contribute to the family.

Alkon thinks that “the real beauty myth is the damaging one Wolf and other feminists are perpetuating—the absurd notion that it serves women to thumb their noses at standards of beauty.”

She says that “the more attractive the woman is, the wider her pool of romantic partners and range of opportunities in her work and day-to-day life.”

That might be true, but what kind of opportunities is she talking about? Most people have family and friends and jobs, even those who are average and ugly looking. Some people have trouble finding a partner, yes, but when you look around, really look at people walking down the street, you will see that most people will eventually end up with someone (or at least be serially monogamous). There are all kinds of odd looking couples out there, so what about them, don’t they count for anything?

Alkon then goes the other way and insults older women who go too far to look after their beauty and try to look too young. “Being 50 and trying to look 25 through plastic surgery usually succeeds in making a woman look 45 and fembot-scary—an object of pity instead of an object of desire.”

So what is a woman supposed to do to survive in this world?

• A woman needs to come up with a workable routine for maintaining her looks throughout her lifetime and avoid rationalizing slacking off— while she’s seeking a man and after she has one. Yeah, you might have to put five or ten extra minutes into prettying up just to hang around the house. And, sure, you might be more “comfortable” in big sloppy sweats, but how “comfortable” will you be if he leaves you for a woman who cares enough to look hot for him?
• So, ladies, read lots of books, develop your mind and your character, exercise the rights the heroes of the women’s movement fought for us to have, and strive to become somebody who makes a difference in the world. And, pssst…while you’re doing all of that, don’t forget to wear lipgloss.

But most people really are not ugly. There are very few actual ugly people out there — most of us are average looking.

The one thing that Alkon seems to forget is that people actually do become more attractive as we get to know them better and fall in love with them, both physically and intellectually.

Sure, Alkon’s theory might work for a one night stand, but is that what most of us want at the end of the day? A sexy attractive partner who has absolutely nothing in common with us? Or an interesting intellectual sparring partner who (to the rest of the world) seems average, but to us grows more and more beautiful as each day goes by? I know which one I’d pick.

This ability to have long-term lasting love, years after people’s looks start to fail them, is why inner beauty is, in fact, more important than outer beauty.