When Does BDSM Become Abuse?

A man in Oklahoma is being charged with kidnapping, domestic abuse, and a misdemeanor domestic abuse case.

He says it was all consensual, he didn’t do what they say he did, and it’s discrimination against his bondage/dominance/sadomasochist (BDSM) lifestyle.

It is true that BDSM is not well understood. To most of us the idea of inflicting pain on our loved ones makes us cringe and the idea of being in pain makes us want to either run away or curl up in a ball and hide.

But to others, like Richard Wise and his “slave”, Nanette Larsen, they like it and seek it out.

Originally Wise’s girlfriend “had told friends, police and an emergency room doctor in February that he handcuffed, choked and beat her against her will.”

She has now changed her mind and says he accidentally hit her during an argument and that the injuries “photographed by police at the hospital” were from rough sex and a fall off a porch a few days before.

Wise has a witness on his side, but the potential problem here is that they also used to be one of his slaves.

The couple had a contract that said that Larsen was the slave and Wise the master. ”It requires the slave to please the master sexually and all other ways.”

Except, this isn’t quite true. Slaves always have an out, an escape, a safe word — something they can do to put the BDSM play on hold if they are not happy with it. The slave is really the one in control because they are the ones who determine how far it goes and what their limits are.

It looks like the jury is going to have to decide if Wise used his role as Master to abuse his girlfriend, or if she was lying about the abuse in the beginning to get revenge on him for some reason.

This is going to be a tricky case, no matter which way it is looked at.