Getting Your Jollies With Mrs Claus

The slow sexualisation of female figures is something that we have gotten used to. Scary Witch with the jutting nose has been replaced by Sexy Witch with the jutting breasts, and the Columbia pictures logo looks less like a Grecian Goddess and more like an extra from The Greeks Next Door.

Fine. I can deal with this — but keep your paws off Mrs Claus.

Santa’s wife has had an illustrious history baking cookies and snuggling up with him by the fire. Obviously the idea of a home-maker waiting patiently by the Christmas tree for her husband’s return is a little old fashioned, so it was natural that someone would want to modernize the old broad… But not like this.

Jolly St. Nick has been allowed to keep his long white beard, pot belly and sensible clothes while his wife is subjected to the possibilities of frostbite and hypothermia. Not to mention leering hordes of elves.

Don’t get me wrong — I have no doubt that the North Pole is a-rockin’ on Boxing Day (ever wonder why it got that name), but the relationship of the Christmas couple was always sweet. Definitely more nice than naughty.

So if on Christmas Eve you want your partner to take your stockings down please slip into black satin or wicked white. Get him to trim your tree in turquoise or put on pink to lick his cane.

By all means, get your jollies, but leave the Santa motif to someone who really appreciates things nestled in white fur.

Contact the author here: mick@morningquickie.com