Rape Is Real Sex For Men

The world of internet porn is a sordid place filled with degraded women and sadistic men, and according to one woman, accurately reflects the male psyche.

In her article, Hard Core, Natasha Vargas-Cooper says that modern porn is not changing the way men see sex, but allows us sheltered women a window into raw masculine sexuality. This is not a reflection of the sex they have with their wife or girlfriend, it is the sex they really want.

• A warring dynamic based on power and subjugation has always existed between men and women, and the egalitarian view of sex, with its utopian pretensions, offers little insight into the typical male psyche. Internet porn, on the other hand, shows us an unvarnished (albeit partial) view of male sexuality as an often dark force streaked with aggression.

She believes that for men sex is all about debasing women, which accounts for the most popular internet sex act: double anal. Her evidence is an awkward experience she had with a sexually dysfunctional one night stand:

• Never was this made plainer to me than during a one-night stand with a man I had actually known for quite a while. A polite, educated fellow with a beautiful Lower East Side apartment invited me to a perfunctory dinner right after his long-term girlfriend had left him. We quickly progressed to his bed, and things did not go well. He couldn’t stay aroused. Over the course of the tryst, I trotted out every parlor trick and sexual persona I knew. I was coquettish then submissive, vocal then silent, aggressive then downright commandeering; in a moment of exasperation, he asked if we could have anal sex. I asked why, seeing as how any straight man who has had experience with anal sex knows that it’s a big production and usually has a lot of false starts and abrupt stops. He answered, almost without thought, “Because that’s the only thing that will make you uncomfortable.” This was, perhaps, the greatest moment of sexual honesty I’ve ever experienced—and without hesitation, I complied. This encounter proves an unpleasant fact that does not fit the feminist script on sexuality: pleasure and displeasure wrap around each other like two snakes. [emphasis added]

Sex is definitely more complicated than a few tender touches to make the other person feel good, but I doubt that the reason that all men like anal sex is because they want to cause their partner discomfort. For one thing, I know several women who derive great physical pleasure from the act.

Which comes to the second problem I have with the piece, that sex is not something men and women do together but is a concession that one unwillingly wrests from the other. She takes the classic approach, that sex is a treasure women must hoard from greedy men who want to use them up.

• The granting of sex is the most powerful weapon women possess in their struggle with men. Yet in each new sexual negotiation a woman has with a man, she not only spends down that capital, she begins at a disadvantage, because the potential losses are always greater for her.

She complains that men are not attracted to sexually adult women, but also that porn stars are being supplanted by amateurs who offer a wider variety of fetishes:

• And it’s largely a grim parade of what women will do to satisfy men: young wives fingering themselves on the family couch, older wives offering themselves to their hubby’s Army buddies, aging moms in shabby corsets shoving their sagging rear ends into the camera.

But surely the women gain nothing from pleasing the faceless men on the other end of the ethernet. Could it be that they are depriving pleasure from the act themselves?

Society’s sexual problems can be traced back to the sexual revolution, when women began to give away what they should be making men pay for. In their naiveté, feminists thought they could tame the wild sex act.

• Sex wasn’t a bestial pursuit, but something elevating. This is an intellectual swindle that leads women to misjudge male sexuality, which they do at their own emotional and physical peril. Male desire is not a malleable entity that can be constructed through politics, language, or media.

Most women like sex. Most women have sex because they are horny, not because they want to please men. It feels good. Our genitals throb with desire and that was not caused by feminism but by evolution. The female body is just as sexual as the male.

The article is based on the premise that all sex is an act of violence against women, that real sex is rape. This is bullshit.

The misogyny of internet porn is interesting and it needs to be addressed, but it is as useful a reflection of male sexual desire as romance novels are of female sexual desire. As Freud would say — close but no cigar.

Perhaps men and women are more complicated than two warring masses of bodies. Perhaps the two tribes are not homogeneous, but are made up of individuals who have desires not necessarily associated with their gender.

Maybe, just maybe, there are men who like to cuddle and there are women who want a good hard fuck.

Contact the author here: mick@morningquickie.com