Too Much Masturbation Causes ProblemsJanuary 26, 2011 2 Comments
Dear Madame X,
I masturbate every night before I go to sleep. I have done it as long as I can remember, but now it’s becoming a problem. I never slept over at anyone’s house as a teenager and it was never a problem when I hooked up with a guy because we’d have sex. But now I’m in a more serious relationship and sometimes he doesn’t want to fool around before bed. So I have to go off to the bathroom to do it, but I worry that he knows what I’m doing. I can’t avoid spending the night with him or go home because it hurts his feelings.
Rocking My Clitoris To Sleep
Aren’t you a lucky woman getting an orgasm every day!
What I’m going to say now may not be something you’re going to like, but you need to cut back on the masturbation.
Normally masturbation is a good thing and people can enjoy it every day if they want to. But when your desire to masturbate causes problems in your relationship and you’re unwilling or distressed by the idea of cutting back then you have a problem.
I’m not saying go cold turkey, but on some of the nights when you are sharing a bed with your partner and you haven’t had sex you need to try going to sleep without masturbating. Yes orgasms are nice, and yes they might help you sleep, but they are just that, nice, not essential. I don’t know if I would go so far as to say you have a sex addiction, but depending how you feel about the idea of cutting back you might be close.
You need to do this for two reasons that I can see. First, for the health of your relationship. If your man knows that you sneak into the bathroom every night to masturbate before sleeping I really can’t see how that would be good for your relationship. He would feel inadequate. You would feel guilty. And neither of these things would be true necessarily. Second, you need to learn how to sleep without having an orgasm first. It’s not healthy if you feel you can only sleep after an orgasm and you need to be able to sleep in different circumstances.
It might also be worth talking to your boyfriend. When one person in the relationship has a higher sex drive than the other it can cause problems, so letting him know how you feel and trying to come to a compromise might be helpful. But I have to say, I’m not sure if this is a higher sex drive or just an obsessive habit of yours.
If you need help dealing with this talk to a sex therapist, with or without your boyfriend.
Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not saying that it’s wrong to masturbate, just that if it’s getting in the way of your real life then there is a problem you need to fix.
Madame X is a master of sex. She is adamantly pro-sex which she translates to pro-fun and pro-safety. An avid practitioner of the activity, she has also been trained in the technical dos and don’ts. No mere agony aunt, she knows of what she speaks. Send her your questions, comments, and concerns about sex and relationships here.