I Hate Valentine’s Day

Dear Madame X,

I hate Valentine’s Day. The Hallmark-created “holiday” just illustrates everything that is wrong with dating. We have to give our girlfriends expensive gifts otherwise we won’t get laid. It seems as if all dating is prostitution but this just spells it out. The only reason this continues is that they know they’re getting the sweet end of the deal. Can you please explain to my girlfriend why this holiday is so sexist and why not celebrating it is the nicest thing I could do for our relationship?

Not Cupid

Dear Not Cupid,

First of all, Valentine’s Day in it’s current form might have been corrupted by marketing, but it has actually been around since about 500 CE and was named after a Catholic saint. It has always been a day to celebrate love. Whether or not you believe in celebrating the day, surely you can appreciate the idea behind it. 

Second of all, if your girlfriend will only have sex with you if you buy her expensive gifts then you have a serious problem with your relationship. Yes, some women expect gifts on Valentine’s Day, but it sounds to me like there’s more going on here. Is your girlfriend particularly high maintenance? Does she demand things of you that you can’t provide? Does she use sex as a weapon within your relationship if you don’t do what she wants? Because that’s what it sounds like and if that’s what’s happening then you and she need to have a serious discussion.

Relationships are about sharing and compromise and if the two of you can’t enjoy being with each other in a simple way (i.e. without expensive gifts) then maybe you’re not suited for each other.

I also want to reiterate, relationships need compromise. If you don’t like Valentine’s Day but your girlfriend does, how about finding a way to celebrate the day that you can both agree to? Tell her how you feel so she knows what’s going on with you. I’m sure you can find a way to work it out.

If she wants to celebrate your love on February 14th, then your refusing to do that will probably not be good for your relationship. Find a way that you are both happy with. What is something romantic you both like to do? How about cook her a romantic dinner at home? Or go for a walk in the park?

Valentine’s is not about money, but about love, and both of you need to understand that (she should not demand presents and you should not deny her desire to express her love for you).

Madame X is a master of sex. She is adamantly pro-sex which she translates to pro-fun and pro-safety. An avid practitioner of the activity, she has also been trained in the technical dos and don’ts. No mere agony aunt, she knows of what she speaks. Send her your questions, comments, and concerns about sex and relationships here.