If I Want Kids, I’ll Have ‘Em

Women are always portrayed in movies as having it all together career-wise but being compete dunces with their personal lives. Sure, she has a job and friends, but she can’t really be happy until she meets Mr Right and has a chance to settle down and begin a family. If only she understood that before it was too late!

Women are ticking fertility time-bombs, if the media has anything to say about it. Every week has a story that reminds us that we cannot have children forever, that waiting too long could result in unhealthy kids or *gasp* none at all.

So these “career girls” must put their ambitions into low-gear as they scan the horizon for a suitable baby-daddy. Once they find him and fulfill their biological destiny, then they are at liberty to pick up where they left off… or a few rungs lower on the corporate ladder.

This dilemma only exists for women with careers and ambitions, yet these are the people who are perhaps best equipped to handle the situation. They have shown that they can plan for the future and prioritize properly, so if they can do it on the job why do we assume they can’t do it with the rest of their life? There are a ton of options out there for them to choose from.

The “happy ending” that Hollywood constantly rams down our throats is problematic because it depends on another person. A woman meets a man, waits for his proposal and then begins a family happily nestled behind a white picket fence. But what if Mr Right never shows up?

You could also find someone willing to knock you up, and then have lots and lots of sex. They could be a boyfriend, a long time platonic friend, or a man you’ve picked just for this purpose. This might be the perfect solution for a man who wants to pass along his DNA but doesn’t want the full responsibility of fatherhood. If you don’t want to do the dirty, sperm banks are filled with the baby-making potential of healthy, vetted fathers to be.

Contrary to popular belief, many women can conceive well into their 40s without assistance, and generally they don’t give birth to hideous monsters. But women who are worried can always freeze their eggs, and a couple rounds of IVF can help if they are having trouble.

Getting pregnant or giving birth is not necessary to have a child. There are millions of children in the world desperate for someone to adopt them. Fostering children is also a great way to make a difference in the lives of some very needy kids.

Women who want to spend time with children, but don’t want to give up their single life, can become an over-involved aunts. They can go to birthday parties and soccer games, and even take the child shopping when she’s older. When the kids grow into teens it’ll be helpful for them to have an adult they trust who is not one of their parents.

For women who don’t like little kids but want to pass on their wisdom to the next generation, there are lots of mentoring programs out there looking for wise women.

It seems as if no one believes we can have it all together, that if we are successful in our careers then something must be lacking. Finding a decent man to go on a date with is hard, but we have complete control over whether we have children in our lives.

Contrary to what the media would have us believe there is no deadline for kids. It is possible to make the decision after 35, or even 45. This means we can continue doing what we love and living our lives how we choose, and if we wake up one day and decide that we want a baby in our lives, we can make that happen.

This constant pressure on women to have kids in case they regret it later is just insane. A lot can change in ten years, and there is no way to determine whether the picture we have of our future selves will come true. In most cases, we are pleasantly surprised by where we end up.

If you don’t know whether you want kids, then don’t make any today. The next time some kindly soul says that you should really start thinking about having a baby (at your age), then just smile and say, “I’m spending a lot of time practicing all the baby-making moves at home, but I’m not ready to stop yet. After all, practice makes perfect.”

Trust me, that’ll be the last time she makes a helpful suggestion about your personal life.

This is a follow-up to the article written: Ambivalence About Having Kids Shouldn’t Be Taboo.

Contact the author here: mick@morningquickie.com