Sex With A Colostomy Bag

Dear Madame X,

I am about to go under the knife for a problem with my colon, which will result in my having to wear a colostomy bag for a few months. Eventually, the doctors are going to reconnect me, and they tell me that I will be able to live a normal life. My question is this: can I carry on a normal sex life while wearing the bag? Also, how can I not gross out my party, assuming that I will be able to have sex?

Concerned Colon Patient

Dear Concerned,

Try not to worry, most people carry on a normal sex life while wearing the bag. The only caveat would be that if the surgery is low enough in the pelvis it might interfere with the nerves attached to the genitals. But I’m pretty sure some doctor would have told you about that if it were likely to happen in your case. Chances are it might be a bit annoying, but it shouldn’t stop you from doing anything.

As you imagine, dealing with a bag of shit isn’t exactly something that will put a person in the mood for sex, but if you keep a sense of humour about you I’m sure you will be able to handle it just fine.

You don’t say if this is a regular partner you have or if you are seeing people casually. It’s probably easier to deal with if you have a regular partner, because hopefully they will be there supporting you as you recover from the surgery and they will know what’s going on and be better able to deal with it.

If you are talking about casual partners, the best thing I’d recommend is being up front with them about it. If they know then they will be less surprised and can focus on having great sex rather than the oddness of it. And keep in mind most people are caring and rational. They know you are dealing with an injury but that doesn’t mean they won’t like you or want to have sex with you — it’s hardly a deal breaker. But if they are a bit squeamish try not to take it personally — it will probably take you some time to get used to it as well.

After a perusal of some sources here’s what I came up with for you. First of all make sure you have given yourself enough time to heal from the surgery as you don’t want any physical movement to be painful. Some people suggest, just to be sure there are no accidents, that emptying the bag before sex can be helpful. The only sexual positions to avoid are those that put pressure on the bag so all the other bodily contortions would be safe. You can also wear some clothing to cover up the bag if it’s embarrassing for you.

As well, if you don’t feel like you are up for full sex, either physically or psychologically, remember that this is a major surgery and it’s okay if you don’t feel sexual for a while afterwards. Also remember that intercourse isn’t the only way to be sexual with someone. Oral sex, hand jobs, and all the kissing and manipulation that people like are just as much fun. Remember this is only for a few months so it’s really not going to be a long time.

Finally, and most importantly, talk with your doctor about your concerns. Your doctor is the expert, not me. And although you may feel embarrassed, this really is the best way to learn about how to manage all aspects of life with the colostomy bag.

You can also check out colostomy associations for more help. Just do an internet search of “colostomy association” + the name of your town or country and some should come up.

Good luck!

Madame X is a master of sex. She is adamantly pro-sex which she translates to pro-fun and pro-safety. An avid practitioner of the activity, she has also been trained in the technical dos and don’ts. No mere agony aunt, she knows of what she speaks. Send her your questions, comments, and concerns about sex and relationships here.