A Penis Is A Penis

It may be hilarious when every euphemism for a penis is thrown out there so we can all laugh when watching movies like Austin Powers, but when it comes to real life, let’s use real words.

Of course, this is easier said than done. From early childhood, we learn words like “wee wee” and “privates.” Right off the bat, “penis” and “vagina” are synonymous with “fuck” and “shit.” They’re dirty words that we’ll get in trouble for saying. Apparently, it’s better to call your son’s genitals “tweety bird” (the new term for penis on the playground these days).

We may stop calling a penis a wee wee as we get older, but we continue to invent bigger and better words to replace it. Our creativity with euphemisms grows as we do, and we spout out words like “slong”, “fine china”, “tallywhacker”, “beaver”, “pecker”, “pussy”, and the list goes on.

I admit, at times I’m not sure if I want to stop the madness, but it has to be done because, frankly, kids should know the truth. The more you call your son’s penis a “little dinky” and tell him that Mommy and Daddy got pregnant from kissing, the more he’ll think his parents are liars when he learns the truth. They say honesty is the best policy, so what’s the use in sugar coating it?

Really, using coded meaning only makes the subject more interesting for children. Those highly intuitive little buggers will sense you’re trying to hide something. They’ll surely get to the bottom of it sooner or later and the truth will come back to haunt you with a vengeance. When it comes to kids, let’s say a penis is a penis.

As well, it’s important to remember that for young women who want to examine the world through a feminist lens it’s best to use the real words. It’s not like they’re called “The Pussy Monologues” or anything. Feminists want to know about real women and their real body parts.

However, during sex play, I think all parties involved would agree on a no holds barred policy for use of euphemisms. With a website called Dicktionary that gives us an alphabetic listing of all the words for penis, the proof is in the pudding. Sexual slang is dang good dirty talk.

So what’s the lesson here? Euphemisms are permitted during sexy times and when it comes to humour, but for the most part, stick to the real words. There’s nothing worse than grown-ups still being hush-hush about sex and referring to their genitals as “private parts.” We all know sex is out there, so let’s stop beating around the bush.

Contact the author here: tinybart@morningquickie.com