Higher University Tuition Is Orgasmic

Apparently students attending private universities are having more sex than those attending public universities.

Dating site OkCupid has recently collected all of its data about users’ sex lives using OKTrends, getting down to specifics affecting our sexuality that we would probably never think about.

They looked everywhere from Twitter usage (the more you tweet, the shorter your relationships last and the more you masturbate) to body type, making connections to the sex lives of their users for each category. Being a student at a private university, I was rather excited to hear the news. According to the data, private university-goers are getting more booty than those paying public school fees with Sarah Lawrence topping the list, getting busy 6 times a week. Are we turned on by the smell of money or something?

“Generally speaking, the more your parents are paying for your education, the more horny you are,” OkTrends writer Christian Rudder states. But, one might think that by being in a private university, we would be a little more depressed due to student loans in our future. I know I am not rich and floating through university just for the hell of it while Mommy and Daddy pay — I am going to be knee-deep in loans. So, if the underlying idea here is that if you’re going to a private university, you’re richer so you’re ultimately happier, I couldn’t see it — for me, at least.

The more I think about it, though, the more I see it. My school really is full of rich kids from Jersey!  Sure, there are many of us who decided to go for a private university with a big name for whatever reason and risk the financial lack of freedom from graduation day forward. But most kids here will graduate with a degree in whatever and probably float by with barely any debt — either because they’re awesomely smart or tremendously athletic or incredibly rich — which are all things that could turn anyone on.

Just looking around a frat party on a Friday night, I can see the statistics budding with my own eyes. My fellow students really are getting busy quite a bit — but is this any different than any other university? Looking at the statistics, our parties could be a little bit sexier. “Given a 36-week school year and the average partner, every $2,000 spent on your university tuition is an extra time you could be having sex that year,” says Rudder. So, because I’m paying an average $10,000 more than the standard public university, I should be having sex 5 more times this year. It sounds impressive, but is it really?

Barely. Even with statistics to prove that we are basically getting busier, when looking deeper into the chart the results are a lot less impressive. Yes, OkTrends has chosen a chart technique that reminds of me of my statistics class mainly by making the results look a lot more impressive than in actuality. The amount of sex interaction a week located on the left of the chart only ranges from four to six. Personally, I would be happy with four, five, or six sex sessions in a week. It is clear to see that the higher-priced schools are up a bit higher in the spectrum, but only by maybe a “half” a session of sex, if that.

Maybe we’re more stuck up, maybe we find money to be an aphrodisiac, but none of that is really relevant. All that is really clear is that college kids are having sex — a lot of sex.

So, what did we really learn here? Absolutely nothing.

Contact the author here: crazycolleen@morningquickie.com