Promoting Alcohol To Teens Is “Loko”

Would you show teens something that could kill them? Would you make it appear sexy and fun?

Alcohol companies do it every day.

We all know the Four Loko insanity story: the lethal combination of alcohol and stimulants that allowed teens to keep drinking for longer. The company was forced to remove the caffeine from it’s cans and the reports of hospital stays began to die down. But if nature abhors a void, so do marketers.

Enter “Blast by Bolt 45.” It’s a binge drink in a can, and Snoop wants you to buy it.

It’s the newest drink vying for teen’s attention. One can is 12 percent alcohol (which is the equivalent of five cans of beer). It comes in a yummy selection of flavors, it is just like Four Loko — but with the coolest weed-loving party animal known to teens: Snoop Dogg.

Down one can and you’re officially binge drinking. What else could be cooler, right Snoop?

It’s niche in the market is very close to Loko’s, whose a fun-colored, yummy-flavored drink will make you wasted in a matter of minutes. For those teens who found good ‘ol vodka or beer was too disgusting, they now had a taste-bud, kid-friendly drink to wet their whistles. It’s appalling how some beverage makers promote teenage alcohol abuse by selling drinks that are friendly to their taste buds.

Four Loko creators could have heeded the warning and reduced the alcohol content liked other alcopops on the market. Instead they pumped 12 percent alcohol into a 23 ounce can, threw a ton of berry-flavored crap into it and called it a day. Tons of hospital stays and numerous deaths were the result.

Since the dawn of the cassette, rappers have been rhyming about liquor brands and the boobies and fun that can come with them, but Loko’s campaign was harder hitting.  Loko is my Liquor by Killah Kid Kriz’s and So Loko (4 Loko Anthem) by Ricosuave both pushed the contraband on unsuspecting teens, who confused marketing with art. The latter purrs:  “I know Jesus turned water into wine / But he woulda turned it to Four Loko at a party of mine.” It was practically a religious experience!

Chances are this new drink will pick up popularity and take the position as the most illegally bought, teen-requested liquor item in no time, mainly in thanks to Snoop.

It will probably continue on this way for a very long time. Maybe when all of the members of the Jersey Shore cast suffer from alcohol poisoning and or Snoop Dogg is outed as a closet celibate, straight edge, church-goer, the mania will stop.

Nah, let’s be serious. Teens like getting fucked up way more than they like their livers. And the alcohol marketing companies know this… and they love it.

Contact the author here: crazycolleen@morningquickie.com