The Aftermath Of Abortion

Ladies and Gentlemen, we finally know why Steven Tyler struggled with a drug and alcohol addiction!

We can blame his battle with substance abuse on abortion thanks to an enlightening article posted on the National Review Online. You read that right. It said “abortion.”

This is how the story of Mr. Tyler unfolds: He meets a 14-year-old girl, convinces her parents to let her be whisked away by him, gets her pregnant and then proceeds to tell her she needs to get an abortion based on the advice of one of his friends.

For starters, you have to wonder why these people are so easily convinced. From the article, it’s as if the dialogue from Tyler’s autobiography goes something like this:

“Can I take your little girl away?”

“Sure!”

“Honey, I think you better have an abortion.”

“Sure!”

There seems to be a lack of choices in the first place, which is what the abortion debate is supposed to be all about. You’re pro-choice or no choice.

Anyway, Tyler (his young lover doesn’t seem to have any say in the matter) decides that abortion is the best road to take in this particular instance. And it scars him for life. From the tone of this article, you have to wonder if his girlfriend’s abortion (although it sometimes seems as if he’s the one who physically had it) led to his steady decline to rock bottom. If he could only turn back time.

If there’s one word ringing in my head right now when I think of Aerosmith – it’s “Crazy.” Due to one decision that Tyler seemed to have made in a matter of minutes, his life turned to shit…if you consider shit being a rich and famous rock star and getting tons of hot women (his second girlfriend was Playboy model Bebe Buell), taking half the credit for conceiving a hot daughter, going on to reclaim some lost fame on American Idol and collecting even more cash from his new memoir.

Still, I continue to read on thinking that it will get better. But it only sinks deeper into some weird anti-abortion twilight zone. It goes on and on about the clinical meaning of post-traumatic stress, proving that Tyler had it after witnessing the abortion of his first child. It’s reaches a new level of nutty when it’s a mere side note that his girlfriend actually tried to take her life a few times.

While his ex was trying to kill herself, Tyler was on tour living it up. Some of us only wish we had the kind of money to, as Biggie would say, party and bullshit. We may not want to sink ourselves into a drug-induced stupor, but a bout of mild to medium partying sounds pretty groovy right about now.

As well as blaming Tyler’s drug use on abortion, it’s also the scapegoat for Tyler acting like an asshole. Directing his “toxic rage” towards his bandmates and trashing hotel rooms can only be the result of post-traumatic stress symptoms manifesting themselves. Poor Tyler. He doesn’t need jail or a dose of reality (instead of Tuinal), he needs a psychotherapist and a shoulder to cry on.

I can’t even begin to fathom what to say about the “propaganda of the pro-abortion movement,” seeing as this whole piece seems to be a rather sensational piece of propaganda aimed at disarming abortion activists and drowning them in that strong drug known as guilt.

I think now I’m suffering from post-bad-article trauma. I need a drink. Anyone have a joint?

Contact the author here: tinybart@morningquickie.com