Cutting Mass Circumcision From Record Books

If you could choose anything to do that would beat a world record, what would it be? Maybe you would want to set the record for the longest orgasm or hold the glory of the fastest running record. Perhaps the longest hair? The possibilities are endless here.

Regardless of your cultural beliefs, I bet you never thought to say that you would want to break the record for the highest number of circumcisions to ever be done at one time. Needless to say, I don’t think the majority of little boys would opt for throwing a mass circumcision party to celebrate their separation from their foreskins.

Circumcision may be a rite of passage for young boys in the Philippines, but it’s not a party that the Guinness Book of World Records wants to attend. It may have that shock factor that we look for when we’re flipping through the Guinness Book in the bathroom (I remember seeing a lady with fingernails that reached the ground), but Guinness is staying out of this one on grounds of health concerns and the heavy element of controversy attached to circumsions, especially ones that are performed on such a public stage.

And there is no record to even beat. The Philippines wants to set a record that doesn’t exist and they’re astonished that Guinness is denying them the opportunity. It’s great to want to set precedents, but this isn’t one to be so proud of that you have to announce it to everyone and create a contest. Are they planning to beat their own record year after year?

I’m not about to say whether it’s good or bad for your health or bog myself down in a moral debate, but I understand that Guinness wants to stay out of matters that can affect someone’s health and well-being. A lot of young boys may not even realize the implications of the procedure. We can’t ignore that it could leave them with physical and emotional scarring. Public or private, it’s not a surgery I would want to undergo. We’re talking about our organs of greatest pleasure here.

Of course they justify it in any way they can, saying that it’s better that the surgery is performed by trained doctors rather than “non-doctors,” and that it will help poor families who don’t have enough money to get the procedure done in local private hospitals.

I guess these pass as arguments, although they’re half-assed at best. So you mean to tell me that this is the reason to throw a circumcision party? Nudity can be good in a party situation, but I’m not so sure about the whole cutting part of it that involves anesthetic and doctors. Capturing it all on camera for the book makes takes it to a whole other level of creepy.

But the part that I’m really not understanding is that they need to put it in the Guinness Book of World Records in the first place. You’d think they would have loftier goals or just plain better events to put in a world record book that will reach thousands of people. I’m comfortable with a good old pie eating contest.

Not only is this “weird news,” but it must be some kind of sick joke.

If so, cut it out.

Contact the author here: tinybart@morningquickie.com