No More Dating Tips, Please

Even if you’ve worked with “thousands of men all around the world,” this doesn’t exactly make you a relationship expert. Giving dating tips is one thing, but presuming to know what women want is another.

On that note, I don’t want to assume that some men don’t want to hear dating advice. Admittedly, some do. They may have little experience or feel uncomfortable in the dating department. In these cases, a few tips might be appreciated, but calling their brain that “thing” in their head is just plain insulting.

Here are the latest assumptions — followed by my responses — in a recent article I came across titled, “Wingwoman Offers Guys 6 Dating Tips”:

1) Women have baggage, too, especially the attractive ones:

“Beauty doesn’t equal perfection,” our wingwoman says. “You think insecurity and low confidence are only for those who are fat, bald and ugly? Not so, my friend.”

Quite so. Everyone has insecurities. Most people also have skeletons in their closets — some more than others. Enough said.

2) Women prefer personality to looks:

“As a woman, I know this to be true,” she tells us. Another gross generalization. So all women are the same? We can’t say that there aren’t people out there who, for their own personal reasons, go out with the best-looking person they can find (or the richest? or the tallest?). Looks are a major factor in the chemistry we have with our partner. Of course personality is extremely important, but we look for a companion who has the whole package –and that means something different to every woman.

3) Women DO NOT like bad boys:

Some do. Some don’t. In any event, a host of negative qualities (and some good) can fall under “bad boys.” If you think of a bad boy as a dude on a Harley with facial hair and a hot body, surely some women do like this. Women may not be looking for someone who’s going to cheat and lie, but they could be looking for a sexy fling. Not all women are looking for a long-term relationship and a bad boy might be the perfect man to help her let off some steam.

It’s a bit extreme to say, “Not sure who started this rumor, but they must be shot immediately.” Just like the “girl next door” or the “diva,” “bad boy” is a wholly simplistic label that puts men in a box. What women look for in men is much more complicated.

4) There’s no “right” line, but there’s a right way to say it:

If a guy came up to me and said, “banana, banana, banana” maybe I would giggle, but I would probably just think he’s nuts, ignore him and continue to hang out with my friends. Maybe some girls enjoy pickup lines or the particular tone in which a line is said (a deep and sexy voice!?), but why can’t men just approach women like any other person? Attraction is obviously a factor, but a genuine way to go up to someone is with the intention of getting to know them, not creeping them out by mumbling “banana” repeatedly.

5) There is never a bad time to approach a woman:

I beg to differ. I would suggest gauging the situation a bit first before you approach a woman. She could be in a bad mood, with a business partner, or maybe she just doesn’t want to be approached. Let’s face it, in life there’s a good and bad time for everything.

6) Women want you to respect them, not admire them:

I would agree that women do want respect. Who doesn’t want people to respect them? But this doesn’t mean that they don’t want to be admired. If I could choose, I would want to be respected and admired!

You can probably tell by now that I’m against rules, but I must leave you with just one: Don’t “think about picking up girls the exact same way you think about picking up a box.”

As much as we want to break dating down to a science, we must accept it will never be like that. Lists may be entertaining, but when it comes down to it, their lack of substance almost makes them laughable.

Contact the author here: tinybart@morningquickie.com