My Baby Turns Me On

Dear Madame X,

My baby turns me on, well I don’t think it’s my baby but it still creeps me out. She took to breastfeeding immediately, like the little trooper that she is, and every session sees her contentedly sucking away before drifting off to sleep.

The problem is that that sensation turns me on. I have always been quite sensitive in that area and it has always been incorporated, quite liberally, into my sex life. Now, several times a day, when I should be feeling warm, mommy feeling I’m getting turned on. I don’t want to associate this with my child and frankly it is turning me off breastfeeding all together. What can I do to quell this sensation? I’d rather not resort to formula if possible, but this really can’t go on.

Breast Is Creepiest

Dear Breast Is Creepiest,

Breastfeeding is designed to create a bond between mother and child and it does this by creating a loving, happy, contented feeling for the mom.

The way it does this is by releasing a hormone called oxytocin which is actually the same hormone produced during orgasm that creates the bond between sexual partners. As well, the area of the brain that is stimulated by the nipples is the same area of the brain that the vagina and clitoris stimulate.

I’m telling you this to try to help you understand how your body works and why it functions that way. What I want to say is that it’s possible that you are over-thinking this. Perhaps you need to re-frame how you are looking at the situation.

That happy, contented feeling (kind of like how you feel after an orgasm) might not be you being “turned on,” but simply feeling relaxed and good all over, like you are supposed to feel when you breastfeed — this is how your body is designed after all!

This kind of feeling doesn’t have to be sexual. Think about getting an amazing massage, or lying in a field of flowers feeling the warm sun beating down on you. These feelings are sensual, but not sexual, and you need to make the distinction for your sanity and your baby’s health.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying the good feelings that come with breastfeeding your child. As I said, this is how women’s bodies are designed to work! So your body is functioning the way it is supposed to.

Try thinking of it like this and see what happens. And keep in mind that if you are “turned on”, again, this is how the body was designed. It doesn’t make you a bad mother. It doesn’t make you a weirdo. It’s an involuntary response and it does not mean that you think of your baby in a sexual way. In fact, it’s probably pretty common.

If you are still struggling after a while then I would recommend calling your midwife and talking to her about it. You are not the first mother to worry about this and she can probably help you understand more about what’s going on. And if it’s still bothering you after talking to the midwife, you can always call on a counsellor.

Pumping and formula are options as well, but I recommend you stick it out for a while longer, talk to some professionals, and see how you feel after that. Like I said already, there is nothing wrong with you, and your body is functioning the way it is supposed to. So enjoy these good feelings while they last because soon enough your baby will be grown.

Madame X is a master of sex. She is adamantly pro-sex which she translates to pro-fun and pro-safety. An avid practitioner of the activity, she has also been trained in the technical dos and don’ts. No mere agony aunt, she knows of what she speaks. Send her your questions, comments, and concerns about sex and relationships here.