The Mythical Male Who Talks About Feelings

You’ve seen it on TV shows, in movies, and you may have heard it from your friends: the story of the emotionally troubled man who desperately wants to tell you his dark secrets and problems but does not know how. He is too afraid of becoming vulnerable. Oh, the angst!

This man is a myth. He is great for chick flicks, but apparently this guy does not really exist.

A new psychological study shows that most young men think that talking about their problems is “weird” or “a waste of time.” The research consists of four different studies including surveys of over 2,000 adolescents and kids. They found that while girls think that talking about feelings can help, boys think it is useless.

I guess now we can all stop worrying about why our boyfriends aren’t as emotional as us, or why they don’t want to talk for hours about their problems like we do with our girlfriends. They just don’t want to. (Reminder: I am speaking in the very generalizing language of psychiatric studies.)

The real question is, why are we like this? Why do girls want to talk about emotions and problems more than boys?

The study suggests that girls may over-talk their problems, which could make them develop depression or anxiety. Maybe it arose out of gender stereotypes — men should be independent and solve things on their own while women need the comfort of other women — and is now just ingrained in how we are raised. Either way, maybe women do worry too much. Or maybe we are a bit more complex than men.

Contact the author here: jennY@morningquickie.com