Breastfeeding Mommies Will Kick Your Ass

Breastfeeding mommies mimic bears in their awesome child-protection skills, according to a new study. Basically, they will kick your ass.

Research on non-human mammals discovered that feeding her young makes a new animal mommy all kinds of awesome. Apparently, lactation lowers the fear response and heightens defensive aggression in turn. So, why not see if human mothers react in the same manner? Researchers went for it.

But how could they test a mother’s response and aggression while lactating? Its not like they could put them or their kids in any real danger. So, they did as any would do when testing a mother’s instinct: create a video game. 18 nursing mommies, 17 formula-loving moms, and 20 non-mothers were given a competitive reaction time test against an assistant in the study.

If the woman won against the assistant, she was allowed to press a button that created a sound burst in the direction of the trained opponent to further rub in their win. Awesome. The breast-feeding ladies were up to 2 times more likely to use a louder and longer sound burst than the wimpy formula and non-mothers. Woah.

So what does this mean? Well, for starters, breast feeding mothers will sure as hell never let their child get hurt. Doctors familiar with the findings have said that there is no need to worry about breast-feeders getting into bar fights, but something in their chemicals makes them more prone to burst with aggression. They actually found that their blood pressure was much lower than the other non-lactating mommies at the time of “attack” and correlated this with their over-aggression. Something like: they were so relaxed that their aggression was “disinhibited” and they could freak out more.

No matter what the reason, one thing has been proven with this experiment of manic mommies: lactation turns you into a bad ass.

Contact the author here: crazycolleen@morningquickie.com