When You Don’t Measure Up

Dear Madame X,

My girl unfairly compares me to her ex all the time and complains that I’m not as good as him in bed, but I think she’s lying. She says they used to have sex for like seven hours at a time and he never lost his erection. Doesn’t the penis fall off or something after four hours? Isn’t that the problem with Viagra?

Sex can be Hard

Dear Sex can be Hard,

I’m sorry your girlfriend is being so mean to you. Comparing you to an ex and saying how much better in bed he was is really not a nice thing to do.

Have you talked to her about this? Told her how much she is hurting you? Asked her why she does it? It’s possible she just doesn’t realize what she’s doing, and although this is not a good thing, it would mean that after talking to her she would stop.

But does it feel like she has a need to criticize you and put you down? Does she do this in other aspects of life or just this one? If she does do this in other aspects of life then it sounds like she might be emotionally abusive and you need to talk to her to get to the root of it and hopefully get her to understand how she is hurting you.

Chances are she wasn’t having sex for seven hours without her boyfriend losing his erection, that would be really unusual if he could last that long! Yes, in fact, they do say with Viagra if your erection lasts over four hours to seek medical help.

What might be happening is that she’s not happy with how long your erection is lasting but just doesn’t know how to explain this to you in a constructive way. Are you happy with the sex you are having and how long your erection lasts? Do you think you have premature ejaculation problems? If you do then it’s worth talking to a doctor or a sex therapist who can discuss exercises you can do that may help as well as other ways of improving the sex in your relationship.

If you don’t feel like you have premature ejaculation then it may still be worth going to a sex therapist with your girlfriend. You clearly have communication problems and it might be worth learning from a professional how to make the sex better.

Either way, she needs to stop comparing you to the ex and start focusing on her relationship with you.

Madame X is a master of sex. She is adamantly pro-sex which she translates to pro-fun and pro-safety. An avid practitioner of the activity, she has also been trained in the technical dos and don’ts. No mere agony aunt, she knows of what she speaks. Send her your questions, comments, and concerns about sex and relationships here.