Top Ten Things Every Woman Should Know To Tell If They’ve Got Their Vagina On Wrong

Ever read lists of top things women should know or try in their lives? Schmutzie tells us why these lists are bullshit.

I have a burr under my saddle today, and it is in the shape of articles whose titles contain the phrase “every woman should”, such as:

–”Twitters Every Woman Should Follow”
–”10 Things Every Woman Should Try”
–”30 Things Every Woman Should Have Before She Turns 30”
–”10 Resolutions Every Woman Should Make for 2010“

You there, with the vagina. Read this list of funny people on Twitter.

Unless the list is about vaginas or breasts in particular, I don’t see why a list has to be specifically directed at people with vaginas and/or breasts.

I feel the same way about “every man should” lists, for that matter.

Hey, you with the penis! Check out this list about non-penis-related gadgets you can plug into your USB ports!

That’s just weird.

My vagina makes me think @shitmydadsays is funny about as much as some guy’s penis makes him like some of the top ten most popular kinds of beer. I happen to like beer more than I like @shitmydadsays, but then maybe I’ve got my vagina on wrong.

I know, I’ll write a list called “Top Ten Things Every Woman Should Know To Tell If They’ve Got Their Vagina On Wrong”.

Top Ten Things Every Woman Should Know To Tell If They’ve Got Their Vagina On Wrong (If I Am Understanding What The “Every Woman Should” Lists Are Telling Me)

1. They don’t automatically gravitate toward the colour pink like it’s in tune with their soul.

2. Their relationship with food does not have to be constantly evaluated and reevaluated.

3. They don’t need to be coddled with statements like “be your own best friend” as though they are a child who has not yet learned to self-soothe.

4. They already know how to enjoy sex, whether it be alone or with others.

5. They own a set of tools, and they even know how to use them.

6. The constant education and re-education about vibrators on the internet strikes them as a pretty lame way to try to make money off a sense of liberation brought on by titillation. It’s an orgasm people, not rocket science, and it definitely won’t set you free.

7. They don’t spend tons of money grooming their nethers.

8. They don’t necessarily squeal to show that they like things.

9. They don’t believe that matching bra and panty sets will reignite a cold marriage bed.

10. Talking about how oafish/stupid men are does not strike them as humorous as much as it does bigoted.

My vagina is definitely askew.

This article was originally posted by Schmutzie on her website Schmutzie.com.