Sex With A Banana

Dear Madame X,

I like having food eaten off of my coochie. I’ve done whipped cream, chocolate sauce, peanut butter and even sashimi. My partner suggested putting a banana up inside of me and then eating it out.

Is this safe? If bits get left behind will they just come out, or will they rot inside of me? Also, if we used a frozen, chocolate covered banana instead, would that make a difference?

Hungry for Bananas

Dear Hungry,

Food certainly can be fun during sex but it’s important to keep a few things in mind.

First, make sure you use a very unripe banana because is needs to be firm. Anything too soft will just get squished and turn to mush (which would defeat the purpose of eating it and make it difficult to clean out).

Make sure you are gentle with it because you don’t want it to break off. Use lube (edible kind would be best) because that would be helpful in getting it inside. Also, penetration probably should stay pretty shallow just to be safe. You also should stop if it feels like it’s getting softer or about to break.

It’s possible that bits could get left behind if it’s too soft, but the vagina is self-cleaning so they wouldn’t be lost forever. And experts recommend not using a douche afterwards because it can increase the risk of infection. Just trust that the vagina is a magical thing that knows how to look after itself so there’s not much you need to do besides using your fingers to wipe out any leftovers. However, if you know bits have broken off and you can’t get them out yourself be prepared to go to the doctor because that might be the only way of dealing with it.

Also, do you have a sensitive vagina? Do you get yeast infections very easily? If you do, then putting food inside your vagina could cause infection. As well, sugar can increase the chance of infections so it’s best to keep all chocolate external. But keep in mind that you might be able to get some sugar-free stuff in your local sex shop that is edible and better for sensitive skin.

You won’t know exactly what reaction you will have until you try so you need to think about how sensitive your vagina is and if it’s worth the risk. Even if you get an infection, then at least you’ll know whether you can do it again or if you should keep all food external in the future. And, of course, you can always consult your doctor if you want to or (hopefully don’t) need to. All in all, the fun will probably outweigh the risks. Enjoy!

Madame X is a master of sex. She is adamantly pro-sex which she translates to pro-fun and pro-safety. An avid practitioner of the activity, she has also been trained in the technical dos and don’ts. No mere agony aunt, she knows of what she speaks. Send her your questions, comments, and concerns about sex and relationships here.