Cross Your Legs, It’s Halloween

Childbirth. Despite having what a shop assistant once described as “splendid childbearing hips,” I don’t know much about it.

Even with my lack of maternal knowledge, there were a few things I took as fact.

–It takes about nine months to grow a baby.
–There is a lot of kicking from within the bump.
–There’s some business involving a sperm and an egg.
–According to a woman I know, if you give birth in a pool it has to be drained after each involuntary poo.
–Babies travel along the birth canal at a time of their own choosing.

As it turns out, I’m wrong about that last fact. Some women are refusing to give birth on Halloween.

They aren’t trying to push their babies back in while screaming abuse at their partner (a technique I once saw demonstrated on a US sitcom). A Yale University study reckons women are conspiring with their unborn offspring to stay put on days “which convey negative symbolism,” and to burst forth on days “which convey positive symbolism.” Like Valentines Day.

I’m baffled by this, mainly because Valentines Day is awful. Halloween, on the other hand, conjures happy memories of dressing up like a monster and extorting candy from neighbours. Could there be a better time to come out and join the party?

Contact the author here: miriam@morningquickie.com