Taming The Hair Beast

Women have waged a war against the drooling, rage-filled hair beast who cannot be reasoned with. The problem has reached such epic proportions that if we fail to act now, our dead ends may actually rise from Hades and try to bite us, turning us into hair-raising zombies. And we’ve all seen what a zombie’s hair looks like.

On one side is the women who love their hair, which, according to Dove’s recent survey, is only 7 percent of 1,000 women — a depressing yet unsurprising figure. On the other side is the haters. It’s obvious which side is better equipped to win. So here it goes, a last-ditch effort to convince women to, if not love, then accept their manes.

But it’s more complicated than two sides fighting each other. Most women (myself included) straddle both sides in a debilitating struggle between love and hate. Hair-dos may be altered depending on one’s mood or, more often, with changes in the weather. My hair is fine, prone to frizz and splits easier than Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. Rain and humidity are the evil villains wreaking havoc on it. Needless to say, I’ve learned to embrace a messy bun atop my head.

In this hair-splitting battle, then, there will be no victory. It’s okay to keep switching sides — to love your hair one day and hate it the next — but for the most part, we should find some middle ground. The perks? A battle-free zone where there’s time for breakfast and comfortable beds so you can spend time sleeping instead of re-arranging and product-infusing your tresses to no avail.

At least if we avoid the front lines of battle there will be less dust flying up and generally less commotion so our hair won’t get all messed up and angry. Then you’ll be more inclined to appear at social events as if the dreadful hair beast wasn’t consuming your life.

Maybe you love your eyes, your lips or your buxom bosom, not your hair. But think of each strand as a piece in the puzzle that is you. Before this beast becomes a burden, we must learn to accept our God-given locks.

Contact the author here: tinybart@morningquickie.com