Ancient Erotic Art, Starring Ornamental Penises

Art has never been afraid to represent human sexuality in its multitude of forms. Books like Lolita and Lady Chatterley’s Lover were banned for a time because they didn’t shy away from uncensored sexuality; Harlequin novels full of Fabios have remained popular to this day; nude paintings and sculptures covering museum walls continue to showcase the sensuality of the human body; and a countless number of music videos simply ooze with sex.

So why would ancient art be any different? According to Spanish scholars Javier Angulo and Marcos García, erotic representations of sex have been present, well, since humans realized their body parts were designed for procreation plus pleasure.

Since 2003, the phallic hunters have “devoted thousands of hours to cataloguing depictions of sexuality, reproduction, and eroticism from the Upper Paleolithic, while paying particular attention to prehistoric representations of male genitalia.”

There may not be massive murals of penises along prehistoric cave walls, but Angulo and García’s research does reveal that sexuality was alive and well even in the Upper Paleolithic Period (circa 40,000 to 10,000 years ago). Rather than examining full-body human representations (as they did in 2009), the researchers’ recent focus has been on “portable” objects, or artifacts that you can hold in your hand representing a part of the human body. Specifically, 42 of the specimens they analyzed are, without a doubt, penises.

But not ordinary penises. The ancient cocks have dot patterns and artistic lines accentuating the male anatomy. All are brilliantly detailed. The intricate ornamentation tells us that even in the distant past men thought of clever ways to decorate their dicks and adorn their bodies as a way to express themselves.

The phallic relics lead Angulo and García believe that, contrary to popular belief, tattoos and piercings are not symptoms of stifled expression in our modern, conformist culture. Genital ornamentation may not go as far back as the dinosaurs, but self-expression certainly existed before Madonna conveyed how freeing it was to “Express Yourself.”

Their research reveals the profound connection humans have with their own sexuality. Understanding the “ins and outs” meant externalizing it with drawings and ivory carvings. They may not have had The Joy of Sex or Sue Johanson, but their ideas on sexuality were far from ancient.

So next time you’re in the mood for an arts and crafts session, why not decorate some genital carvings? It’s creative, fun and artistic!

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