Brave Enough To Watch The Birth?

Dear Madame X,

Any moment now my girlfriend is going to give birth to our first child. We’ve taken the classes and I’ll be there to hold her hand, support her and get ice chips, but I’m just not interested in heading down and checking out the business end of things. I’m ok with doctors being the first people to see my baby. Frankly, I’m afraid how seeing that giant mess will affect our sex life down the road and who knows, I might faint.

I’m getting in trouble for this. My girlfriend says that if she can carry a human life inside of her for nine months (a steadily growing, kicking life) and then spend days pushing it out of her body while undergoing spasms of pain then I should have the balls to peek under the sheets. I don’t mind being called a wimp, but I really, really don’t want to do this. I don’t know why it is so important to her.

How can I convince her that this isn’t anything that I need to do?

Future Baby Daddy In Crisis

Dear Future Baby Daddy,

It’s perfectly normal to be scared about becoming a parent and also worry about what your sex life will be like after. I’d bet that pretty much every couple has these same worries. So know that it’s okay to feel that way and I’m sure you two will figure it all out with time, communication, and a sense of humour.

But I also have to say that worrying that you might faint or that your sex life might go downhill are really lame excuses for not wanting to witness the birth of your child. I also doubt that your relationship with your girlfriend is so fragile that you’ll never want to have sex with her after you see her giving birth.

Frankly, I think your girlfriend is right. I also think that if you don’t actually watch the birth of your child you may regret it in later life. So what if you’re a bit nervous? So what if you faint? Suck it up and do your best because I’m sure you’d rather be a bit queasy than miss watching the birth of your child.

Although it’s important that your feelings are also respected, I think you really should try watching the birth and see how you feel in the moment. Deal with the emotions at the time and if it’s too much then you don’t have to look, but at least try. Saying flat out “No” before it’s even happened screams out to me that there must be other underlying issues for you to be so against it.

And keep in mind that the birth probably won’t go how you imagine it will. She probably won’t be lying on the bed with a sheet over her. People have birth plans, and they try to carry them out, but often things don’t go how then expect them to.

Your girlfriend might end up needing a Cesarean section. She might be walking around the room leaning on your for support. She might be leaning over the bed or crouching on the floor. And in many of these scenarios it would be best if you, that child’s father, were the one to catch the baby as it comes out rather than the doctor.

Being a new parent is a scary thing but do your best and make sure to take advantage of every moment because they won’t come again and you don’t want to have regrets.

Madame X is a master of sex. She is adamantly pro-sex which she translates to pro-fun and pro-safety. An avid practitioner of the activity, she has also been trained in the technical dos and don’ts. No mere agony aunt, she knows of what she speaks. Send her your questions, comments, and concerns about sex and relationships here.