Feminists And Their (Lack Of) Funny Bones

Question: How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: Hey, that’s not funny.

This was a joke told to me by a guy I met at a party. I didn’t laugh at his joke because I knew that he actually believed what he was saying. He actually believed that feminists had no sense of humour (the nerve!).

If I had a penny for every time someone told me to “Lighten up” or “Just take a joke” I would have a lot of pennies.

I usually stay away from making any generalizations about “the feminist experience” but I think the one I’m about to describe is pretty much (dare I say it?) universal to anyone who self-identifies as a feminist.

This is the classic scene: you’re at a party of some kind talking to a group of strangers. Someone makes a joke about people of colour/homeless people/women in an “I know that you know that I know this is ironic” way. Everyone laughs at the joke except you. You turn to said person and tell them why the joke is actually not funny but offensive. Said person tells you “You’re too serious, it was just a joke.”

Can someone please tell me why I’m supposed to laugh when someone says they do their girlfriend quietly when she’s sleeping so she doesn’t wake up? Or why it’s funny to videotape a homeless person having a manic-depressive attack on the street? Or why it’s funny to compare a fat woman to a hunk of meat?

I’ve constantly been told to “lighten up” and a majority of these comments come from men in parties who were trying to impress me (read: trying to get in my pants). What did I learn from this? Men don’t like it when you don’t laugh at their jokes and instead begin your feminist preachings. Maybe if I read more Cosmopolitan while growing up, I might have avoided this situation.

I sincerely believe being told to “lighten up” is a curse of feminism. The other curse is this instant itch you get to call out any and all bullshit you hear, see, read or experience. Together, they make the dynamic duo of cock-blocking, party-pooping feminism (or so I’ve been told).

Feminists are demonized in the mainstream media as whiny bitches who just won’t shut up. This representation of feminism is not an issue with feminists themselves — it’s an issue with mainstream media and its ridiculous ignorance of the multifaceted feminist movement. The way I see it, I’m not the one with the problem here. I’m not the one who’s too sensitive or too serious. It’s the person telling the joke who needs to be more sensitive and thoughtful.

Racism, sexism, homophobia and poverty are serious issues that affect people’s lives on a daily basis. So why the need to turn someone’s life and experience into a big, fat joke?

I’m not a saint. My friends and I regularly crack  racist/sexist/homophobic jokes but the difference is that we are laughing at the fact that people actually believe the content of such jokes, not the joke itself. When a person you just met tells you a rape joke and expects you to laugh — that’s not funny. What is funny (in a twisted way) is the fact that the person you’re talking to might actually be a non-sentient being.

For the record, I usually laugh at fart jokes, jokes about talking muffins and jokes about Star Trek or Star Wars. You just have to dig a little deeper to tickle my funny bone.

Contact the author here: syahidah@morningquickie.com