Do Big Balls Mean Cancer?

Dear Madame X,

The monster in my pants in scaring me. I only wish I were talking about my larger than life penis but I’m actually worried about my giant balls. A female friend noticed that they were especially grand and ever since then I can’t shake the notion that they’ve actually gotten bigger.

Like a good hypochondriac I went to the doctor to have my fears assuaged, only to find that the doctor has decided to book me for a scan. He isn’t using the C-word but it’s pretty clear that’s what he’s not talking about.

Now I’m waiting, dreading his diagnosis and writing to a sex therapist over the internet in the hopes that she will calm my fears. So, what do you think, Madame X?

Waiting is the Hardest Part

Dear Waiting,

It’s great that you got yourself to a doctor to get checked out, I think too many people put it off when it could be helpful (either by providing peace of mind or a diagnosis).

There are lots of reasons that your testicles may have gotten bigger or have a lump, and cancer is only one of them. In fact, less than four percent of lumps and bumps are caused by cancer which means there’s a 96 percent chance that nothing is wrong.

It could be swollen veins, excess fluid, or a number of other reasons and most of them are harmless. You don’t say how old you are, but an epididymal cyst is most common in middle-age and is found in up to one-third of men!

So there’s a really good chance that everything will be fine.

If, however, your worst case scenario plays out and it is cancer, the cure rate is over 95 percent!

I know that waiting is the worst part, and even with these statistics you are bound to worry. Hopefully you have supportive friends and family around you and a doctor that is willing to answer your questions.

Most cancer societies have telephone helplines as well, and these can be valuable in answering your questions if you think of them after leaving the doctor’s office. Just Google “cancer helpline” and your local one should come up, or you can ask at your clinic for the numbers they recommend.

Hopefully your scan will be done soon and you can end the waiting period. Until then, enjoy the support of your family and friends, try to keep yourself busy, and do things that help you relax. Chances are that you are perfectly fine. Good luck!

Madame X is a master of sex. She is adamantly pro-sex which she translates to pro-fun and pro-safety. An avid practitioner of the activity, she has also been trained in the technical dos and don’ts. No mere agony aunt, she knows of what she speaks. Send her your questions, comments, and concerns about sex and relationships here.