Could Having Sex Reduce Traffic Accidents?

I read a newspaper article today about the ages in the UK at which men and women (or boys and girls, it turned out) are having sex.  Its main thrust (ho,ho) was that women are tending to have sex for the first time at a younger age on average, with a recent survey revealing that around 27 percent of women aged between 16 and 24 said they had sex before they reached 16 (only 22 percent of men in the same age group had been underage).  This was all a bit “Broken Britain,” with its overtones of kids running wild, moral degeneracy, no doubt drinking and maybe even drugs involved.  But there were some other statistics in there too.

For example, the survey also revealed that a significant proportion of 16-24-year-olds (26 percent of young women and 32 percent of men) had not yet had sex.  While there is, of course, nothing at all wrong with this, it did give me pause to think.  Many young men from that 32 percent are also eligible to drive.  Now, at the risk of sounding facetious about traffic accidents, just think of all those boy racers, charging priapically about our roads, desperately plunging their cars all over the place, a hazard to one and all.  We’ve all seen them and the risks they take.  And just think of how much better things would be, for them and the rest of us, if they were just a bit more relaxed about things.  You have to wonder.

Because I would imagine that sex is on the minds of those young men quite a lot.  Whatever their preferences, and whatever the reason they haven’t done anything about exercising those preferences, I guarantee they’ll be thinking about them.  A lot.  And they’re driving while they’re doing that thinking – which, when you consider it, is really quite a bad idea.

Young men are well suited for the army.  They have boundless energy, plenty of aggression, and will take huge risks.  This is not, however, what motor insurers are looking for in a driver.

So what’s to be done about it?  Well, if urban myths are to be believed, during the war, young men were at times even too much for the army, so the army put potassium bromide in the troops’ tea to quell sexual arousal and stop them frittering away their battle sharpness in wasteful onanism.  Whether or not this is true, there may be something in it for our young male drivers.  Well, not so much for them as for the rest of us, but everyone will benefit.  Every new young male driver could be issued with a special badge they must display on the inside of their car’s windscreen.  What this badge says is not so important – the point is that they would be soaked in bromide, slowly releasing this into the car’s interior over a few years, calming the driver’s thoughts on things other than the road ahead and making the place a bit safer for the rest of us.  Crashes would be less frequent, fewer people would be hurt, and insurance premiums would go down for everyone.  No need to thank me.

Next week:  Better parliamentary democracy through blowing weed smoke through the ventilation ducts at Parliament.

Contact the author here: thewhy@morningquickie.com