Reader, I Deleted Him

Amidst the sick-making mega marriage proposals, creepy “dates” with celebrities and random members of the public and hyperbole-ridden celebrity divorces, there was a bit of real romance this year.

But it wasn’t on social media.

2011 may have been the year to project your foreplay/cutesy relationship/marriage proposal/infidelity/breakup/divorce/custody battle to the huddled masses via Twitter, but it didn’t add up to romance. It added up to legal battles, awkward press releases and totally unnecessary photos of a Kardashian in a tiara.

The upside to the likes of the Moore/Kutcher breakup was the complete lack of glamour involved. Sure, famous folk have cash and they know how to pose for photos. But if you give Ashton Kutcher an iPhone, he quickly turns into that Facebook friend you’ve been meaning to delete for ages.

Nothing makes me want to set Facebook on fire like a public romance/breakup. A wall littered with declarations of affection and photos of flowers delivered to offices are only a bit less irritating than snarky updates aimed at exes and thinly veiled references to the casual sex someone had with a totally made-up rock star on what used to be their anniversary.

It’s about to get worse. The Zuckerberg boy has “unveiled” the new look of Facebook. It’s only been about six months since the last new look, but social media needs change fast. Now we have timeline, “optional” until Christmas day, when we’ll all be manhandled into the new world of social media.

Timeline will allow people to dredge through your social media history more easily; no more of this linear page nonsense. Soon it will be easier than ever to find out what you had for lunch in 2006 and who was sending you bunches of virtual roses in 2008. That row of kisses you left on your boyfriend’s wall in 2007? Now his wife will be able to deconstruct it while she nurses their second baby.

You may have guessed, I’m less than enthusiastic about the new Facebook. As a valuer of privacy, I was a latecomer to social media in 2009. Which is just as well, because I’ve only got two years of awkward memories and failed past romances on the electronic horizon.

Contact the author here: miriam@morningquickie.com