Feminists Have No Feelings

Feminists have a bad rap. And it starts with the word. For some men and even a number of women, it tends to leave a bad taste in the mouth.

Though the concept has significantly evolved over time, some people figure it still has something to do with hating men. Consequently, self-proclaimed feminists may suffer more than alienation. Aligning oneself with the feminist movement could be social suicide.

It’s sort of like the ideological form of the black death. Catch it and you’re a goner. Well, maybe that’s taking things too far, but I do feel like there are still a lot of anti-feminists out there. In fact, I’m occasionally anxious about uttering the word. What kind of backlash am I going to get? Is it like being a vegetarian, where every time you say you don’t eat meat you’re expected to provide lengthy explanations (tip: memorize your spiel)? There always has to be a justification because feminism, it seems, still isn’t wholly embraced by the “mainstream.”

It’s almost as if feminists are seen to have no feelings other than hate and anger. It’s enough to make my blood boil. But as much as anger can fuel good discussions, those who subscribe to certain feminist ideas have more to give than anger. They’re not just hotheads who force change by complaining about anything that irks them.

Besides, feminists are often more scared than angry. Saying you’re a feminist is taking a risk. Some may applaud you for it but others will pigeon-hole you. It’s just one word, but it’s a powerful and polarizing one.

So how can we make feminists assertive, outspoken and sympathetic? How can we give feminists feelings?

I’m going to suggest something radical. A combination of reflection and understanding. This means reserving our judgments until we learn as much as possible about feminism. At the same time, we must cease to dig for clear-cut answers. A “feminist” is not a cookie-cutter identity. If we follow this easy formula, perhaps feminism can break free of its fetters.

This doesn’t mean that feminists can’t fume. It may not seem like it, but I’m fuming right now — hardcore (anger alert!). Fuming feels good and usually some relief comes out of it. Plus, usually there are valid justifications where anger is concerned. One feminist confesses she’s the Valentine’s Grinch and explains why. Another admits she loves to shop. This doesn’t mean she’s an anti-feminist. With reflection and understanding we can see that feminists come in all shapes, sizes, and many have their own unique perspectives. Some feminists are balloons waiting to burst, some are lily pads rocking calmly on the surface of the water, waiting for the right moment to pick a battle. Each individual defines feminism within the framework of their own lives.

So I (and hopefully you) no longer wish to lead a double life. I write so boldly about feminism yet dance around the word in my personal life. It must be known out in the open. So I stand here with no anger, no shame and, most of all, no fear. I’m a feminist, but it’s only part of me.

It’s time we recognize that not all feminists are cold and hardened. Like everyone else, they have feelings, no matter what brand of feminism is being touted. Agendas, strong convictions, and even the occasional angry outburst won’t change that.

Next time you hear somebody proclaim they’re a feminist, try not to screw up your face and look so perplexed.

Contact the author here: tinybart@morningquickie.com